The following article should be read with the other one addressed to “Muslim Husband” as well as all other posts about Marriage.. This is to avoid exaggerating the role of one spouse over the other, nor to down grade the contribution of a spouse for the other.. Marriage is a sacred social formation; not only in Islam but in all religions and faiths.. Without the correct attention and participation, such a bond will not last, or will require a heavy price from both parties; and their kids as well.. In the failed marriage, all parties lose..
I had noticed the unjust attitudes of most husbands, which are simply deviation from the cores of Islam, and the righteous guidance of his Prophet PBUH.. We need to admit that we lack lots of the true essences and knowledge of Islam, due to translation, illiteracy and media confusion.. Then we shall collectively strive to understand more and carefully implement the correct behavior and habits..
Our unqualified Imams had already ruined many generations, and indirectly seeded extremism and domestic abuse, by ill-interpreted Quran verses and Hadith.. The famous quest of 4/34 on beating women is just scandalous example of moral fragmentation and disassembly.. The speed of social changes beats the capability of most preachers to accommodate reasonable and acceptable elaborations and understanding..
Marriage, in any religion; is practically build on love.. and the moral bravery to express love..
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By: kashmirigirl
Sep 29, 1998
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-and-scripture/38648-the-characteristics-of-a-good-wife.html
The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means “This life is a joy and its best joy is a good wife” [Muslim], also, “A women is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her (adherence to) religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win” [Bukbari & Muslim] and, “Four are causes of happiness,: A good wife, a big house, a good neighbor and a good way of transportation” [Al-Hakim].
The above Hadiths emphasize the importance of marrying a good Muslim woman. This is why Muslim men should always seek such women to be happy in this life. Following are some of the characteristics of a good wife:
1. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husband’s property, etc). [4:34]. Ibn Katheer said, “Ibn Abbas said, ‘The righteous women are obedient to their husbands (Qanitaat). Also ibn Katheer said, “Imam Suddi said, ‘They (good wives) protect their husbands’ honor and money in their absence.”‘
2. Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadhan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors.
3. The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “Your women who will enter Paradise are those nice to their husbands, who bear children, and those who keep checking the needs of their husbands. If her husband gets angry with her, she would hold his hand and say : “By Allah, I will not sleep until you forgive me” [as-Silsilah as-Sahiha]
4. -an-Nasa’i narrated that the Prophet PBUH was asked, “Who are the best of women?” HE said, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”
From the above Hadiths, we can sum up the characteristics of a good wife:
1–She is a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger PBUH .
2–She performs the five regular prayers and fasts Ramadhan.
3–She is obedient to her husband, unless he orders her to do evil.
4–She protects her husband’s money and honor in his absence.
5–She is always nice to her husband, checking on his needs.
6–She always tries to please and calm him if he is angry or upset.
7–She bears his children and does not ask him for divorce for no reason.
8–She tries to always look and smell nice for her spouse.
Advice for Women
Following is an advice to every Muslim woman that contains matters to avoid in order to have a good marriage.
1 — Avoid angering your husband. The Prophet PBUH mentioned that among the three that Allah does not accept their prayer are, “A wife who goes to sleep while her husband is angry with her.” [At-Tirmithi].
2 — Avoid harming your husband in any way, “If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: ‘Do not harm him, may Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.‘ [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi].
3 — Avoid being unappreciative or unthankful to your husband, “Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her.” [An-Nasaii].
4 – Do not ask your husband for divorce for no reason. The Prophet PBUH warned women who ask for divorce for no sound reason in his Hadith, “Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii].
5 — Do not obey your husband if he asks you to do prohibited matters, “Do not disobey the Creator to obey any human.” [Ahmad & Al-Hakim].
6 — Avoid voluntary fasting without your husband’s permission, unless he is absent, “A woman does (must) not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadhan.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]. This Hadith emphasizes the importance of the wife satisfying her husbands sexual needs. If the husband agrees, then the wife can do volunteer fasting, satisfied that she fulfilled her obligation towards ber husband.
7 — It is a major sin to deny your husband sexual pleasure. The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angles will curse her till the morning.” [Muslim]. Muslim men have no other means to satisfy them but through Their wives. Therefore, the very essence of marriage will be destroyed if men are denied this right by their wives.
8 – It is a major sin for husbands and wives to tell others what they do in bed. The Prophet described the ones who do that as, “A devil who meets a fe ale devil and has intercourse with her in public” [Ahmad].
9 — The Prophet PBUH ordered every Muslim woman not to let anyone into their houses, “Unless he (her husband) gives her permission.” [Al-Bukhari].
10 — Muslim women do not have the habit of going in and out of their houses without necessity. Allah SWT said, what translated means, “And stay in your houses” [33:33].
A Final Word
The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means “All of my nation (Ummah) will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” When he was asked to identify those who refuse, He PBUH said, “Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise, and whoever disobeys me will (be the one who) refuse.” [Al-Bukhari]. A good, righteous Muslim woman seeks the pleasure of Allah more than anything else. She tries her best to acquire the qualities of a good wife, found in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger PBUH. Total obedience to Allah and adherence to the Sunnah of His MessengerPBUH, is the most important of those qualities.
Allah hswt as decreed that the husband is the head of the Muslim family, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.” [4:34].
Ibn Katheer said, “The man is the woman’s protector, supervisor and head of the family”. To emphasize this even more, the Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If I were to order anyone to bow down (make Sujood) to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One Who owns the soul of Mohammad, if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad].
Ibn Taimiyah said in AI-Fatawa, “The righteous woman is the one who consistently obeys her husband. Her obligation to her husband come second only after her obligation to Allah swt .”
Therefore, every Muslim woman should seek to attain, in herself, the qualities of a good wife, by obeying Allah SWT and His Prophet PBUH, a path that will lead to entering paradise. Also, if Muslim wives implement these qualities, then their marriage will be full of happiness. The best of advice to every Muslim woman is to avoid the ways of the Kuffar. The Kuffar do not build their families on religion, but on their desires. They ignore the basic differences between men and women and treat them as equals in every regard. In Islam, men and women have different roles. More duties are assigned to men, while woman have more influence in the way their children are raised. A Muslim woman spends much more time with the children than her husband does. If families are not built on the way that Allah SWT ordained, then misery, and later, divorce, will be the result.
Allah swt will bless such a marriage where both the husband and the wife obey Him swt; and fulfill their obligations towards each other. He swt said, what translated means, “It is not for a believer man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger PBUH have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His MessengerPBUH, he has indeed strayed in a lain error!” [33:36].
Sayyedah Khadeejah PBUH, the wife of the Prophet PBUH, ranked high among the Muslim women of all time, This was a result of her unwavering support of her best of husbands. She PBUH believed in Him PBUH, offered Him PBUH emotional and financial support, and reassured Him PBUH in times of worry. Allah SWT has granted Her PBUH Paradise for this crucial role she played in the life of the Prophet PBUH, and hence, in the life of every Muslim.
The Prophet PBUH treasured Her PBUH memory and kept relations with Her friends long after Her death. Allah swt has granted her the position of being the mother of all the decedents of the Prophet of Allah swt. All Muslim women should benefit from the example of Sayyedah Khadeejah PBUH, that they may reach Her status among the righteous women in Paradise.
Adil Abdalla: Evilly driven women are destined for the Evilly driven men; as well as Evilly driven men are destined for the Evilly driven women – Divinely guided women are destined for the Divinely guided men, as well as Divinely guided men are destined for the Divinely guided women – These are forgiven for whatsoever they unintentionally and mistakenly said – They are rewarded by forgiveness and dignified earning (Rizq)..
P.S.; As per the Islamic authorities, there are two concepts to understand this verse.. 1st, addresses spouseship.. the 2nd addresses Quotes/Deeds associated with people.. Replace the subject words women or men by quotes or deeds, and read it again..
Other Various Interpretations:
Sahih International: Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are [subjected] to evil words. And good words are for good men, and good men are [an object] of good words. Those [good people] are declared innocent of what the slanderers say. For them is forgiveness and noble provision.
Pickthall: Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.
Yusuf Ali: Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.
Shakir: Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women
Muhammad Sarwar: Indecent woman are for indecent men and indecent men are for indecent woman. Decent women are for decent men and decent men are for decent women. The decent people are innocent of what people allege. They will receive mercy and honorable sustenance.
Mohsin Khan: Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) are innocent of (each and every) bad statement which they say, for them is Forgiveness, and Rizqun Karim (generous provision i.e. Paradise).
Arberry: Corrupt women for corrupt men, and corrupt men for corrupt women; good women for good men, and good men for good women — these are declared quit of what they say; theirs shall be forgiveness and generous provision.
The True Islam.. 
I see the most of the responses which are given to women’s problems are biased.its seams like you blackmail these suffering wives by showing those common hadeeths without considering the ways of Islam how it deals with such critical situations flexibly.As a Muslim woman I can feel that how hurtful it is to getting advice to be patient and tolerate everything though getting abuse by husband.i have seen several women whom were abused continuously and living their life like dead people.everyone knows that physical and mental abuses can lead the women’s life towards dangerous end.its May push the women into death or mental problems.you adviced to a woman to carry on the all duties and response the call to bed of a drug addicted husband.you know drug addicted people never behave like human,they used to behave even worse than animals.then how can you advice that women to obey such a husband?everyone knows that how harmful it is to a wife to response drugged husband in bed.
Over the all you declare the natural feelings of women as saitanic while asking wives to satisfy all their husband’s feelings.
Is it islam which says to tolerate any abuse from husband and ask wife to serve him?is it islam which ask the wives to vanish their own natural feelings?
Islam is the natural religion which consider both gender equally,it respects everyone’s feelings perfectly.how can a true religion command to deny all the common sense and feelings of wives and ask them to sacrifice themselves for husbands pleasure? Wives are not worse than the sex salves to be like that.
Your replies tell that wives should tolerate everything for husband’s pleasure because her nature is sacrificing.how can u take advantages of their nature.what if it takes her life while she is asked to tolerate such abuses?
Instead of asking wives to tolerate the abuse and toxic situations while burying her feelings you should acknowledge her about “how bad such situations can turn?how much it will affect her and her family?how to take action against such husband and situations?”
Islam never guide anyone to tolerate any abuse.islam is the most just religion which deals flexibly above the common commands and limits according to hard and sensitive situations.that is the best quality of Islam because it is the natural religion that was provided by the creator of everything.
I really appriciate your this work but don’t misguide these suffering women in the name of Allah and his just religion.because these suffering women are not only wives but also a loving mother of children,adorable daughter of a parent and supportive sister of her siblings.she and her feelings are not worthless to ask them to sacrifice themselves just to please their husbands.
Because men and women are created by allah from single soul.that rooh of anyone cannot be worthless.
Allah knows the best.
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Dear Fathima..
Salaam Allah…
Thanks for contributing to the debate..
I was really shocked with your statements, yet I had found none of mu posts support your claims.. On the contrary, I had followed strict Islamic and calm process to advise on such matrimonial disagreements and conflicts..
This process is a combine epistemic one, extracted from authentic text books, intellectual refinements and psycho-cultural analysis..
Of course, Quran and Hadeeth, in their authentic Arabic literature, grammar and linguistic is the platform and arbitrary..
1. Marriage is a divine institution and pre-distant and non-circumstantial..
2. Marriage knot is un-annulled by man; without religious and lawful justifications..
3. You can’t provide a solution without calming down the heat in 1st place..
4. Failed and dis-comfortable marriages are resultant of misinterpretation of coincidences..
5. Factually, very few who perform sincere Istikharah or seek fair guidance before tie-the-knot
6. No human-being is born abusive, but families grow them as such, therefore; it is acceptable rational to allow for the true being a chance to rule before separation verdict
7. Communities vary in their role models and extent of acceptance of some behaviors between tolerance and punishment
8. Finally, the ill-trained and non-qualified preachers had already poisoned the Muslim mindset worldwide, and brought non-Muslims to hostile stand..
I think if you fairly and thoroughly review this web page, you will find different advocacy from your allegations.. Once done so, you will help to spread a message of love and tolerance, which Islam is all about..
If we grow our kids on love and tolerance, there will be no abuse, fear or atheism…
Stay blessed
Adil
PhD Urbanity………..!
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Dearest Sister Fathima,
ASSALAMU ALAIKUM WA RAHMATULLAHI WA BARAKATUH
You have made me feel that someone as brave as you would write and react like this.
I am Zahrah, Filipina and I have embraced Islam … have taken up Islamic Studies and has been pulled out by my Pakistani Husband out of the classes due to learning the correct things in our religion.
I am not treated well by my husband, co wife and in laws. On top of that my co wife Rabia, father in law and mother in law all teamed up for my husband to abandoned me and not care about me …
I am living alone and providing for myself.
The physical, mental, psychological sufferings and the abuses had resulted to much pain and all I can do is sabr.
You made me feel good that there is someone who can write comments ike you and stood up for us.
I believe that Allah will give me justice for all the things that is happening on me. In shaa Allah.
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i have been one of those skeptical people who says , “I’ll never call a psychic or a spiritualist or whatever” to help me with my problems – least of all my love problems, but I reached the point where I knew I needed some guidance, and I’m so glad I found this man called . Dr.Aziz . I never in a million years would have thought I’d be writing a letter like this, but when I nearly lost andrew my husband in one of our stupid,fights (he broke up with me), I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.then i read a testimony by a man called Taylor Borg about him saying that how Dr .Aziz help him to get back is EX wife within 48 hours.I quickly email him.and also get back my husband with his love spell. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. he performed a very good service for a person in true need.My only way of paying him back is publishing him on internet and social media , so the world would know of him. for any help on spell casting do well to contact Aziz on
azizspiritualhome(a)gmail.com
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I need advice I have no clue why bad things and situations happen to me.. I’m a second wife and I ruined my marriage with my husband an is marriage with his first wife cos I used to stress he was going to replace me as he nearly got a third wife.. anyway we used to talk about him all the time cos we were worried and when he was present we would act like we weren’t doing anything anyway one day he seen a email by a man from his first wife’s email and since then has said he’s seen recording videos of us being naughty (sexuakky) uploading videos found YouTube videos all this insane things and we never did he says I purposely done this to ruin their marriage so I can have him all to myself which I didn’t he says I’m evil I cursed him I bought jinny into their house and I’ve done all these bad things when I haven’t and now he hates me doesn’t want to be with me it’s so bad I have join clue what to even do anymore am I really evil? Do I have a jinn?
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So I’m a revert got married to the most amazing guy loved Islam eligible was greatful.. I’m a second wife I must add. Anyway husband wanted a third I lost it went back I. Social media talking to guys I guess to be… wanted by at least someone if that makes sense anyway did not meet any of them did it out of boredom and hurt of being replaced anyway my husband found out the week after I decided to never go back on it cos I was sucked in.. anyway he divorced me out of anger that hight then the next day took me back and I have stayed d loyal have not spoken to any makes kept myself locked away at home didn’t have credit nor data to do anything and fell in an out of keeping up with my religious obligations and we had majourley trust issues.. anyway about a year later his first wife and I got scared at the thought he had found someone else and we would talk about him in his absence which I started cos I’d see him on his phone or see a text and we would talk about him and when he came home we would stop and act like we were watching TV.. anyway it’s come to the point he thinks I bring a male into his home and made his wife have sex with him he thinks I have done all these evil things casted spells to ruin them when I haven’t.. and he calls me Shaytan evil everything nasty and I swear I never cursed or casted a spell that’s silly and forbidden I have no clue what to do now have Hayes me I ruined his marriage with his first wife I ruined our marriage an everything is going mess I don’t know what to do he believed I planned to ruin then so I can have him for myself but it’s fitnah I caused… is it possible shayteen made me cause such fitnah an made all this happen I’m so confused an hour no clue what to do I live with them now cos I have his son but I can tell he hates me.. I hate me an he no longer wants to be with me but I live him so much I don’t want to lose him when I already have
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I was married 12 years back I have 4 children’s around 15 days back my husband died after his death I came to know about HI heart disease which was started in 2001 but he was a good husband and father he used to fulfil my all wishes I used to get angry but he never never complained about his illness one bad thing he did is he didn’t tell any one about his disease he was a well mannered good man husband and father should forgive him or not
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Asalamo alaikom.
Im 24 years old. Married with 3 kids. Im still studying to earn a degree in elementary education. 4th year. I need an advice. Can you help me? Im studying in a catholic school which is my problem. I cannot wear my hijab properly because im shy. whenever i have a christian classmates then they are questioning me about our religion. “why is this? and why is that?”. Sometimes they are over judging our religion and i swear i defend our religion but sometimes you cant hold the peoples mind. I hate that they cant understand and respect on what we have. i cant take it anymore so when im in school ill take it off my hijab so theres no more questions to be answered. you cant please everybody even if you show them the good in you.
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Assalamalaykum,
I am a divorcee for 13 years and have a boy age 16.
My son was only 3 years old when I got divorce from his father. He was abusive mentally and physically as well. I jus took a break from him because of physical pain he gave me. But he did say he will patch nikaah with me again and he will wait.
After 6 years of divorce he got married with a lady.
When I gotto know that I was very upset and wanted to talk to him to give chance to me and our kid but he made his mind with this lady and then day onwards never see his son or buy Eid suit.My boy is angry with me now and throw thantrum and talk rude to me. I am very upset Sir I need help. I also need to get married and settle down too. after 5 years pursuade my son to call his father and talk normally to show the father that his son still a boy who needs to be a man. And I can settle and get mariied in my life. I need wat doa to get a good man i have now to nikaah with me. Thank you
wat advise can u give me and seeing this senario.
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Hello…All Muslim people I love Islam
I am NisarAhmad I am from Afghanistan My age is 27 Years older I am single person I need to woman for me marriage all of the world to find
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I am Khadija I am 25 years old I live in London
I want to ask you some questions?
have you married before?
where do you live? where in Afghanistan do you live
(you must promise to not marry again)
what is your job? are you a doctor or engineer
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Assalaamu alaikkum
Alhamdhulillah. Your answer heals my pain. Now I am out of confusions and stress. Thanks for your valuable answers. Please make dhuvaa for me and my two sons. I want to stay away from shaitan who kills my peace and happiness in my life. I believe that Almighty Allah will definitely show me a right path. Aameen.
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Assalamu alaykum
As I said before, I am trying to get divorce but he is not coming to jamaath. I dont know what to do. But I dislike him very much. I cant even respect him as a human being because that much I suffered. I said before that he had girl friends and he chatted with his girl friends before marriage. But I dont know whether he talked in a good manner or in a haram manner. But Only thing I know is he had girl friends also. But I dont know whether he has girl friends now or not. Complaining about someone with out evidence is not permissible. Thats the reason I thought to correct my statement. But all the other things are true to my knowledge. Please tell me whether I have rights to divorce or not. I am very confusing because of some of my neighbours. Anyone, please dont blame me for asking again.
Now I am coming to my need. Please tell what shall I do if he does not come to the jamaath. Then how could I get divorce in Tamilnadu, India?
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Dear Sister;
Salaam Allah…
Thank you for entrusting me once again..
As you had correctly said, you can’t entrust him anymore.. No one can force you to love him.. Once hatred fills the heart, it is not easy o remove..
I think you need to get your family involved.. to help you and support you.. This is usually advisable at times of stress.. I think they will know through their friends and colleagues to get him to accept your choice..
If he fails to appear at Jamaath; Divorce can be done in absentia, after you prove that he is away for more than 100 days… This is one of the Islamic Rulings..
You need to approach a Qazi of Imam to help you out..
I am not from tamilnadu, and have no information about Islamic Court there.. In my country, a woman would go to Shariah Court or Islamic Court, where she would process her Khula request..
No matter what happens, advise you to get closer to your family, and do not listen to him any more, as he is not honest with you.. Do not hesitate because of the boys.. You can raise the perfectly right.. Do not believe him when he comes back with tears, because they are not true..
Rasoul Allah PBUH had said that a true Muslim will never be cheated twice.. Because e Muslim is driven by her/his believing heart and soul.. Therefore, S/he can observe and sense the truth at all times.. Do not lose your self confidence, as you will need it more, as well as your boys will also need you too..
Keep the goodness and seek the forgiveness and blessings..
Adil
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Please help me to take right devision
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Salam alikoum sister my advise get ride of this idiot, wa Salam Abou Ishaaq
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Salaam Allah.. Abou Ishaaq;
I’m not sure that your advice is progressive nor useful..
It is easy to demolish down, and extremely hard to build up..
Allah swt said 159/3:
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِنَ اللَّهِ لِنْتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنْتَ فَظّاً غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانْفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
Sahih International interprets as:
So by mercy from Allah , [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah . Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].
The Islamic conflict resolution has guidelines, which we have to follow..
Jumah Mubarak to all
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Assalaamu alaykum,
I am married with 2 boy babies. Mine is love marroage. My family members were against for my marriage bcz they dont like the groom. Because he is shorter than me and he is not educated. But I made that choice bcz I respected love andaffection. But this became false after my marriage. Even before my marriage, he gave me troubles in all things like dont go anywhere even with your mother, dont talk with any boys in your class when I studied my higher secondary, and so many. I simply accepted and followed all his words even after I completed my college. But he is a lier, he is not truthful. He cheated me in everything from spending out at night, having girl friends, chatting with girls online, and fighting with me for no reasons, keeping him away without calls and ignoring me even I return frequently, and so on.
I think these will be ok after marriage. But after marriage my life became very critical. He treated me very badly even on 7th day of marriage. I had suffered both physical, emotional and mental torchers from him. But I hidden everything from my family. Meanwhile he spoiled my name by made false complaints about me to my family members. It continued. I got so stressful and depressed life with one baby in my hand and one baby within my uterus. But one day, after my second baby was born, Allah showed everyone who was wrong and where the mistake was. Then I raised up my heac to stand with courage and took a decision to get divorce. So separated for 1 and half years. After that period, he returned and asked to forgive him for which he did to me. First I refused then I accepted bcz of my kids. Then days gone. Now my babies are 3 and 4 years old. Now I shifted my home to a city for my kids education and for my carrier. My mom is supporting me financially.
I always dont refuse to my husband sexual need. But even I afraid for medical problem, he dont consider it and care me. He just do ehat he want and go back to sleep silently. I feel very shame to tell this in public. But I am telling this bcz I am in an important stage of my life. Also he do t care about me even if I feel bad or If I have any problems in my health. He is not even interested to ask me how is ur health. He is not interested to spent his time with me and my kids, share things, bring us outside for the babies happiness and be in time of distress. He left us as it is bcz my mom is with. He has that strong point in his mind. I am doing everything from buying groceries, cleaning the house, taking care of kids, entertaining my kids, bringing my kids outside to beach or park, and so on. I lost trust with him.
Also he does not like to stay at home. He likes to spend time with friends by going outing, always fond of social networking, very actively updating photos in social networks by completely ignoring us. He lives like a bachelor. I overcomed multiple torchers from him. Now completely hating him and I dont wish to have this life longer. Because I cannot respect him bcz completely I started to hate him. This thing Allah never like from muslim women. So I decided to tell Kulah. Pkease tell, are these readons acceptable to go for kulah bcz I am helpless. But with a help great help from Allah having a wonderful kids. Masha Allah. Please I need uour advice on this matter. Salaam.
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Dear Sister;
Many people acknowledge that Islam puts men ahead of women in many aspects; which few scholars manage to justify a little of; while majority others relate such categorization to AlMighty’s will swt; who challenges us to follow the belief rather than the intellectual interpretations.. Minds may accept a religion, yet can’t sustain a belief.. only hearts do..!!
As well, many have missed the point that men should have qualifications to get married; which are supported by Quran and Sunnah.. Piousness, Morality and Affordability.. Of course; looks and passions matters; yet not essential for making a good husband.. Even in case of divorce, men are mandatory obliged to support their divorced wives and kids..
Certainly, whenever men lose these credentials; they lose their eligibility to be husbands.. Therefore, divorce requested by wives is permissible; which may escalate to an extreme level of men’s abuse and refusal without compromise: then it is Khula (The case of wife agreeing to relief a husband from any financial obligations post-divorce).. It is an extreme case defining extreme ineligibility, immorality and incompetence of men, who had wrongly got married..!
Regretfully, many Imams, Sheikhs and Mullahs confuse the commons with twisted and political interpretations for the sake of protecting the family structure; inspired by (The most hatred Halal is Talak).. This is wrong; because it destroys personas of women and preaches moral inequality and psychic depression.. If the relation between a wife and a husband turns form compassionate, merciful and cheerful into hatred, miserable and abusive; nothing is there worth protecting or scarifying for.. Certainly and undoubtedly; Talak would be meaningful..
Reviewing the timeline of the life you had described; identifies many pitfalls that were innocently committed; which we all are exposed to.. Yes, sometimes family are more wiser to listen to; while we are in younger and unwise age.. Yes, sometimes we weight emotional issues more than their true importance.. Yes, sometimes we are intimidated by society to not doing what we feel good and true.. This is the legacy of Mankind, not only Muslims..
I strongly believe in women’s instincts and their natural setting to be wives and mothers.. Men are not generally set to be husbands or fathers..!! These are proven psychology and sociology..
Dear Sister, I guess you can be a wonderful single mum (hopefully temporarily) for your kids; not only seeding love and care, but also patience and piousness.. I can sense the kind loving heart of yours; which you shall communicate to your boys to be great husbands and fathers inshaallah…
Please; maintain being a devoted Muslimah, this would shield you from a lot, and erase any wrongdoings went through, even the unspoken ones.. Always, seek Allah’s forgiveness, as it enlighten our path towards what He swt wants and loves.. inshallah Ameen..
Adil
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Assalamu alaykum,
I am very much thanking you for replying to my query. I am going for kulah to protect our family value and kids. Because father is the main role model for the kids. In our case, he is not even a care taker. So I dont want to show a bad role model to my kids. Also I dont want Allah to be angry with me for hating my husband till life ends in this dhuniya. Because I want jannah. Please I humbly ask you to add my kids in your dua to become a best father and a best husband. Also please ask make dua for us(myself and my kids)to live a happy, understanding and islamic life forever. Insha Allah. Aameen.
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Actually kullah does not remove financial burden but ask for the marr return as suñnah and extra if man demands but even this can be looked at by a shariah judge if the wife has injuries emotional etc she can sue for these in turn. islam is a religion of justice and it is based upon sound knowledge when deciding issues please pray istikarah before hand and consult the believers that applies to the affair if needed e.g wali witnesses shariah judge and doctor for any source of help as for recourse in financial issues children and pregnant or not wife nafaqa does not go away except in the wife case if pregnant outside of her husband or proven to commit zina outside of marriage and even this is not an completely known as proof and islamic derided evidence is needed e.g if the wife was raped or insane this is outside the scope of her control so nafaqa does not stop.The nafaqa includes housing fuel food clothing shoes and needs araising like telephone obligation school uniform islamic education and means of transport and Allah knows best but the marriage contract built on deception is a severe matter between the person/s concerned and Allah. And a decieved spouse can and should asks for divorce or annulment as this is a prelude to further misbehaviour may Allah guide us all and grant us ease in our affairs and jannah and goodness in both worlds relating to us and save us from hellfire ameen.
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As Salaam alaikom
Shukran for this article,I have been battling with what Allah expects of me as a wife.
I am a second wife of a divorced man with three grown children who are of the ages 27 yrs to 33 years.
My husband does not support me financially and recently does not give me any emotional support.His ex wife and children live in another city and he spends much of the year with them and all his earnings he uses to support them.However he still expects me to be a dutiful wife.
I sometimes get very upset especially when he spends long periods away from our home helping his married daughter build a house and maintaining the house he provided for his ex wife and unmarried daughter (27yrs) and unmarried ,unemployed son (32 yrs). I am left to take care of all the expenses and maintenance at our home.
I am finding it very difficult to be the dutiful obedient wife Allah expects of me,Allah forgive me.
I battle with jealousy ,which distracts me when I perform my prayers.
Under these circumstance do I still have to be an obedient wife not visiting family and friends when he he not at home,(when he is at home he does not take me to any of my family).
I dont want to divorce him,but I am very unhappy all the time.
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Dear Fathima;
Salaam Allah
In these blessed days, with the birth anniversary of Mohammad PUUH, wishing you and all world; peace, love and content..
Dear Sister, we all battle the forces or illness and hatred, which target or deviation and distance from the righteous ways.. However, Islam tells that strong and unshaken intentions are equal to deeds, whenever we can’t physically deliver or do.. This is a great blessing that we often forget..
I need to request forgiveness for the delayed response to your queries, due to busy schedule that kept me away from communications..
Regretfully, your story is full of contradictions, which echo what’s going on among all Muslim communities.. The spread of wrong teachings and misconceptions had created awful situations with every person and household.. Generally; men carry most the responsibilities, as practically have authority, earnings and leading roles.. The dominant patriarch social patterns
27-33 yrs are not children anymore; yet our rural communities have soft considerations.. Divorcees are not expected to overdo their righteous duties, yet people mix passion with ego and pride.. Also, creating a disconnection between a spouse and her/his family is never an Islamic behavior..
Both you and your husband are mature and old enough to draw your communications effectively.. Sometimes an Stubborn spouse would waste chances to enjoy delightful and blissed life.. Yet, the partner shall keep trying with all ways, modes, and attractions as needed..
I would advise to allow your family and friends to visit you often, to avoid the boredom you feel.. You may start new hobbies and attend training for new skill..
If not having children of your own; why not adopting one? Yes, it is a challenge to do so, but will be great reward to both of you..
There is not particular recipe for happiness, as lift for our taste and imagination.. When we do our prayers and submission to Allah swt, He will enlighten our path and guide us forward
Ameen
Be Blessed
Adil
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Salam aleikum
Jazzakumullah for this article and a job well done,may Allah touch all tha concerns you In Sha Allah.
I got married to my husband 3yrs ago,Allah delayed us His blessing for a year and 8 months,during the trying period,my husband was very supportive,when I see my period he’s always there to comfort me…during this trying period too,I noticed he chats with different girls about wanting to hook up with them,whenever I saw things like this,I usually challenge him and his reasons were that,he’s just whiling away time time that there is nothing between them,as a woman that I am,I always believes. After Allah showered us His blessing,my husband continued,he’s always on his mobile phone with his exes or new ones,chating and calling them every now and then,when I challenge him,he still assures me,there’s nothing even when the evidence were glaring,he’ll always tell mi,he does not meant all he’s saying to them. My case is now a bit complicated because,I have found myself where I have no single trust in him again. I now believes whenever I am not with him,he’s doing something haram,he deletes his conversations with them now. The last time we argued on this issue, he told me,it is his life,that he can do anything with it. My question is,am I doing wrong islamically by now wanting to overlook and just having it in my mind that he’s cheating on me?
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Dear Believing Sister Rasheedah..
Salaam Allah.. May Allah swt shower you with more blessings and content..
I cordially thank you, not only for the complements; but also for the strength they give me to adhere to AlMighty’s will in sharing knowledge, love and solidarity…
Matrimony became more complex by time, due to the various interventions and confusions that “Shytan” had already promised Allah swt to spread among the faithful ones.. It was a promise in the name of Allah swt, that requires more than vigilance to avoid, and more than strength to combat.. Inevitably, we all are exposed to such threats on daily routines..!
Both men and women are vulnerable for the threats.. However, they have different profiles that vary with no consistence.. Some men are confused following getting married; when they particularly realize the sexual joyfulness.. Some women got confused by feminism and arrogant fact of being desired.. These are human facts that have nothing to do with religion..
Religions had come to organize and balance our pursuance of life.. Relations with our Creator swt, our earth and our fellow people are the main cores and liabilities.. Certainly, harmonized existence is never a reality, as living strives are part of our examinations of faith and slavery to AlMighty swt..
These paragraphs were meant to structure a way forward.. Based on understanding and comfort..
Certainly, your husband loves you a lot, not only sharing with you the painful time till being blessed by a kid.. but also, by denying his “adolescent” activities.. He definitely knows it is wrong.. yet can’t stop.. Many many many men do the same.. Why?
It is a worldly cultural phenomenon that men have many hearts.. Maybe this is true, yet evil is another fact as well.. We do not accept both..
Men are mostly required to be treated as children, which is another fact, yet not all the times..
Men have this masculine argue to feel publically non-questionable; while been privately nurtured and pampered.. This is where the skillful wife would string-monopoly her man..!!
Do not question his contacts, but get him to forget his contacts.. You would know better..!
On parallel, do not hold your own worshiping and prayers hostage of your own anger.. Make them your relief and guidance.. The more you do, the more you would find him closer and submittal..
A sincere tearful prayer of a pious wife would balance the entire universe..
Be Blessed and Pleased inshaallah..
Adil
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Dear Sister,
Thank you for this wonderful article. I have also read the one about Muslim husbands.
I married my wife 15 years ago – two years before I became a practicing Muslim. When I met her, I didn’t pay attention to her religious piety, I didn’t have any myself. Two years into our marriage, I started practicing Islam, praying five times a day, going to mosque, fasting, etc. It has been 13 years now since I was trying to convince my wife to follow the good traits, but all my efforts are in vain. She just refuses, changes the topic, gives promises, or prays few times and stops again. She also makes conflicts if i go to mosque too often.
I know it is wrong to share this, but she also often refuses to be intimate with me. She is career-oriented and works full-time and I understand that often she is simply too tired. However, she also refuses sex as a way of revenge or punishment.
She can be very disrespectful and argumentative, she never shows her affection, we often have conflicts. In short, she is the complete opposite of what you have described in your article.
As a result, my own integrity is significantly shaken, particularly in the abuse of pornography and in the commitment to my religious practices. I also feel stressed at work and in the last three years, I have been noticing seasonal signs of depression.
For the last few years, I have been contemplating a divorce, and today, I often feel that this is what I desire most in life. However, two things hold me back. Whenever we start talking about it, she starts crying and asking me not to do it. Most importantly however, we have two wonderful children – 10 and 4 and I think that a divorce will have a very strong negative effect on them.
I have also shared this with some sheikhs. One advised me to have a secret second marriage (because my wife totally rejects the idea), but in our circumstances to keep it secret is just impossible. Two others suggested that I should be patient for as long as it is needed – even if it is for the rest of my life. They said: “Of course, it will be easy for you, since you will remarry and have a good Muslim wife to support you in everything. But what will your children think of Islam when they know that you divorced their mother because of it?”
So, I keep going, but it is getting more and more difficult and my depression becomes more and more noticeable. We have fewer conflicts, but that is mostly because we have learned to keep it to ourselves. Whenever I read an article, like yours, I can’t but imagine a kind, loving, supportive wife, who is most importantly my faith companion, and then I come home… where I can’t find any of that.
I would be thankful if you provide me with your perspective on my situation and perhaps, an advice. Thank you.
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Dear Taimur…
Salaam Allah.. who swt gives strength, knowledge and patience..
Apology for may late reply due to travel..
I do salute your patience and long term in managing your wife.. I value your commitment to matrimony and fatherhood.. I appreciate your search for wisdom and commitment to be a better Muslim person…
Yes, it happens, when a person feels changing a faith, that the spouse will have different views.. However, in some circumstances, the couple would continue a peaceful understanding life, which apparently and unfortunately not your case.. Certainly, divorce is always the very last option to go for, when difference became hurdles and obstacles for a person to pursue his or her own faith; which again, unfortunately, your case..
I do not recommend having a secret 2nd wife, because matrimony is never secretive.. Matrimony is a blessing from Allah, regardless of what faith a person follows.. All matrimonies are part of a greater wisdom and divine secret to colonize the earth.. which most of us can’t fully comprehend, nor they need to..!
Also, staying the status you already have; is not fair for you, which already bringing discomfort and depression to you.. Certainly affecting your life and allow for “Shytan” to invade every little part of yours and shake your faith and content..
After these long 15 years, you know your wife better than her own parents.. You both keep loving each other despite the awful situations.. You both still have these wonderful moments which produced those wonderful kids.. Despite how she is workaholic or busy, a woman can’t hold her need for loving words, loving gifts and loving partner.. Frankly, we all do need that, women and men, across cultures and religions and countries..
Ok, let’s start with simple strategy and plan of actions.. It will take sometime..!
Our target is to calm down the conformations and end up with her to accept Islam too..
Change your life, style and habits.. A Muslim husband leads the happy and content Family.. Change is a leadership.. Change is the spices of life..
Restore the love that Allah swt had bonded you both with.. Yes, you easily can.. Make her feel how she is the woman you can’t live without.. and you is the man she can’t live without too.. Love is a gift from Allah, grab it and spread it all over you family and community..
Don’t talk about Islam unless she question you.. Even so, be humble and skillful not to irritate her or bring to discussion controversial issues.. Stay simple and cool..
Without offending her, make these sincere prayers asking Allah’s forgiveness and acceptance and guidance.. Request shielding your family from Shytan.. Ask strength to be a better Muslim..
Personally, I used to go to bed in good wadhu, (alike washing for prayer).. Manage by tricks to put my right hand on my wife’s forehead, and whisper: (Bism-Allah-Alrahman Alraheem).. Then tell her anything that she would live to hear.. Even a joke..!!
Make this your new habit..
Try these for a while, and let’s talk again…
Be Blessed and empowered..
Adil
By the way, I’m a Brother, not a Sister.. 😉
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may Allah continue to grant u greater wisdom
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Salam wa alaikum
I will like to share my story cuz i need an advice considering bout marriage, I got married at an early age I had to drop out of school n sacrifice everything cuz of my parents and nw m 21 yrs old with two kids. Every day I always do my duties as a good Muslim woman should do. It’s been almost 2 yrs since my husband travelled thou we do speak on the phone
As a Muslim woman I try all means to pleased him even he s nt around cuz when ever I want something or have to do anything I wil consult him even he is not around I wil cal or tex him before doing so.. so what I want to ask is, is it necessary for me to do all that, even when he is away, like when m goin out I have to cal or text him that m goin out sometimes he will disagree n still I obey whatever he says n he is never around ,we spent three months together and after that he wil travelled for another two years, that’s how it’s been since we got married…
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Dear Sister;
Salaam Allah.. Prayers for your life to turn happier and comfortable..
Regretfully, many Muslims (especially women) are torn between restrictions which are not fully Islamic, and the socioeconomic which are basically not Islamic..
Imam Ali, PBUH, had wished if “Poverty” is a man, he would kill.. Knowing that poverty is the evil that drives all other awful circumstances in life.. yet, the merit of Islam (and all other religions) is to fight the devilish attributes and maintain faith and belief in the Might Creator; Allah swt..
Mentioning this is a note to observe that your kids will have their opportunities to learn, get prepared, and fulfill their own choices in the future.. This is what you and their Dad are striving for.. This is the sacrifice that Allah swt will reward you both for it.. and turn the small inconveniences into knit of love and blessings inshaallah..
One of the hallmarks that most Muslims have, is the poor religious education and guidance.. While Islam had recommended that a wife should obey her husband, there were many conditions about the creditability and reliability of a husband to receive such oath.. This was not only Islamic, but across all religions, regions and peoples..
A Man should be trustworthy, earner, pious, moral and hard worker to be entrusted for marriage at the 1st place.. Being short of any of these qualities should set the man unqualified for marriage.. Regretfully many families do not follow the Prophetic guidance: “If whoever you accept his religiousness and morals; propose to you, accept”
Also: “who can’t afford marriage, should observe fasting..”
Yet, having short hand will force many to arrange an early marriage for their daughters, with great wishes of blessed lives ahead..
Similarly, limited earnings will not set obstacles for marriage, with great hopes of blessings and prosperity ahead..
If both wishes and hopes do not materialize, lives would turn ugly..!
Obedience was logically set as husbands expectedly would overage their wives, are exposed more for the livelihood and have more knowledge about practicing religion.. They should resemble wisdom, energy and capacity.. which constitute their leadership..
Obedience is the leadership of Muslim men that justify their women to follow, listen to and set as practical examples..
Yet, a woman shall have her own identity, and will defend her choices at the Day of Judgment.. I think no woman would consult a husband for cooking, house holding or her colleagues, unless shy felt unsure about something.. Many women would have intellectual capacities more than men, therefore, it is the leadership, which men would earn without comparable qualifications..
Bottom-line, Only matrimonial love recovers any shorts and fills all gaps..
Stay loving.. Stay Muslim..!
Be Blessed and Beloved..
Adil
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Assalamualaikum wa rehmatullahi…..
I read about how a Muslim women should behave with husband and by grace of Allah I’m trying to follow my husband but i did some sins before marriage and even asked to forgive me in Allah before marriage only.. Actually when I committed to marry my husband and he started calling Me and chatting with me I was loyally following his instruction in-between this I got an unknown call of a boy again and again initially I refused and scolded him to not to call but lately he said he just want to be a friend with me so I agreed and was speaking to him I didn’t inform this to my fiyoncy cos I didn’t wanted any misunderstanding I was not aware that time that a Muslim girl should not speak to a male friend as told by my husband after marriage…everything was going smoothly but since my husband was from state where drug addiction is common I was little scared to get marry to him may be for this reason or might be for the name of other male friend I was bending my relationship with that boy cos he was from same city and the one I was going to marry was faraway from my city I was confused between this two relationships and have decided to meet this boy once and to decide whether to continue this relationship or not please note that I was just speaking to both of them other than that I didn’t had any physical relationship with them.. And one day without informing my fiyoncy I went to meet this boy and found him bad I mean he tried to rape me so was scared of shouting cos if I shout everyone comes to know about this and My family will come to know so I tried and escaped from the situation by convincing the boy that I want to go home so we came back he dropped me to home then that was the last day I met him and speak to Him soon after I came home I took bath cos I was irritated with what happened and did namaz I apologized Allah to go and meet this boy and for cheating my fiyoncy I cried so much in Allah fiyoncy and I cried so much in Allah for forgiveness.. my fiyoncy comes to know about this through my mobile records since he is a software engineer he recorded everything and started fighting with me I apologized him and had decided not to marry him cos I was ashamed but he started drinking alcohol and said I ruined his life so in ashamed feeling and guilt I decided to get marry him and for the wrong thing I did to him.. Initially he said he forgive me and ready to marry me cos he loves Me so much but after marriage he started torturing 3 years my life was miserable everyday for one or other reason he used to beat me and insulting Me infront of people by saying what I did before marriage now I have a doughter and now also he says that this is not his baby but believe me I didn’t do any wrong thing after marriage he won’t allow me to speak to my family my brother demand for money, takes drugs,smokes,chews tobacco, and now he is blackmailing me that he tells everything to my family what should I do? He even asked for khula… I didn’t do any wrong thing and loved him so much please guide me
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Dear Shabeena
Salaam Allah..
Kindly accept my apology for the delayed reply due to my travel..!
Truly, I was in pain for your troubled situation and confusing circumstances.. I had prayed to Allah to guide me for the appropriate and wise reply which can make sense and usefulness..
Certainly, there are many wrong and incorrect myths that rule most of the Muslim world.. Improper religious teachings, incorrect social practices and paradoxical ethical framework; collectively bring and load hardship on shoulders and souls of people, especially the young ones..
Marriage is a shield against wrongdoing, and whatsoever happened before marriage is often forgiven by the faithful commitment to marriage and “Deen”.. Any couples would enjoy the blessings from Allah swt unless, their sincere and pious partnership are confused.. Thankfully, you had taken the matter seriously, and been committed to your Fiancée, yet “Shytan” had tried to ruin your life.. Despite the sad results, you should rest assured that you are cordially a good Muslim woman, as “Shytan” would never waste his time with who has bad behavior, short “Iman” or low morals..!!
Maybe you was too naïve in couple of situations: 1st to respond to that boy, who was sent to you by “Shytan”.. and 2nd to marry someone by reasons of guilt.. However, Alhamdulilah, you are now apart from that bad boy.. Yet, you have to find a way to rectify your marriage and family..
Certainly, your now-husband should be sincere and willing to make things in proper shape.. He should not reveals matrimonial secrets to anyone, even his own parents.. He should honor you in front of others and in private as well.. Yet, our Muslim Men are often short to understand their duties..
There are only two ways to take forward.. As a woman who her husband claims loving, use your little influence to guide him to attend guidance lectures from the “good-not-laud” Sheikhs, to soften his ago and bring peace to his interrupted inners.. Remember, we eventually get wiser by time..!! Also, as a Muslim, try hard to maintain your prayers, adherence to Islamic manners and keep asking Allah swt for forgiveness, support and guidance.. Remember, Allah swt will respond to who keeps asking..!!
On raising up your little lovely girl, make her always confident in her “Iman”, strong in her “reasonable choices and committed to Allah’s swt guidance and love..
Be Blessed
Adil
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Assalamualaykum,
Its been 10 months since I have married my amazing husband alhumdulillah. Recently, I have come back to the U.S and our very strong relationship with one another is going downhill. In my understanding of Islam, as a wife I am suppose to fulfill the needs of my husband. But, I don’t understand how to do that while I am very far from him. I always pray to Allah swt that he will recieve his green card and come here very soon, so that these problems we are having will go away. I do not feel comfortable doing things online for him, I have also tried explaining this to him. I did not listen to him and he went behind my back and purchased medicine to refrain from feeling anything ‘sexual’. He told me that he did not want to cheat on me or do anything haram. He did not digest the medicine but had told me about purchasing them. I feel very hurt, and do not feel like a good wife at all. I am just very lost..I am not sure what to do. Please help me.
-Thank you:)
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Dear Sister;
Salaam Allah.. Ramadhan Kareem..
Let me start by appreciating your marriage love and commitment to your husband; may Allah swt shield you both from confusions, deviations and evils..
Despite how it is commonly circulated that Islam demands a wife to look after the comfort of her husband; I believe it is a both-ways behavior and requirement, in order to create the balanced and sustainable Islamic family life.. Both wife and husband are equally human; therefore ignoring one while prioritizing the other is unlikely correct or Islamic.. Muslims need to rethink and conceptually change..
For a Muslim person, a man or a woman, there is a sole recipe for safeguarding the self against the harsh psycho-physiological activities that are called “sexual desires”.. Rasoul Allah PBUH had verifiably advised who can’t marry, to perform fasting.. Fasting at His expression; would cool the desires and redirect attention from the self to Allah swt.. Allah swt in return, will not only reward for such sincerity and devotion, but also remove the hurdles that interrupt the matrimonial path..
Yes, I know that some drugs are used at military institutions, juvenile detentions and punitive centers in order to reduce the “sexual” behavior.. My understanding that this practice is not harmful, yet are increasingly replaced with “exhausting” physical activities.. So, no worries if your husband would use..
However, I would recommend for him the Islamic treatment; unless become inconvenient for his work, fitness and qualifications.. For a single person, such desires are not on daily cycles, but mostly on weekly ones.. Therefore, the “Fasting” remedies would work perfectly during the off-duties at the weekends; subject to the rulings on fasting..
Muslim has a mandate to stand against hurdles in the righteous path.. It is moral and physical as well.. Muslims are regarded for their strife to adhere to the poise behavior, despite the many seductions..
Please, do not be unnecessary hard on your own self.. You had done marvelously great.. Keep the prayers and trust Allah swt to ease your confrontations with the visa system..
Be Blessed
Adil
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I think ummahhelpline.com has a good article on this matter.
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Assalamaikum
I am from India and my wife is from a well known scholar family. I would like to ask you what punishment should a husband give to his wife when she disobeys him and what does the quran and hadees say about this.
Here is what’s happening. I work in dubai and my wife stays in india. She has a cousin(not a mehram) from her family who wanted to marry her but cudnt. I know about all this as she told me about it. I have asked my wife to stop talking to him but she says that he is her brother and cant stop talking. but the cousion keeps flirting with her from time to time. When i tell her anything she will quote quran and hadees.
Can you please tell me what i should tell her from the point of view of islam so that she could understand my point and stop talking to her cousion.
Also please tell me if my worry is correct or if i am at fault coz i dont want to impose anything on her. I want to stay happy with her but just bcoz of this one person we keep fighting.
Please help.
Allah hafiz
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Dear Firoz;
Thank you a lot for sharing your reality-life situation with us.. The collective experience of any community is its 1st guard and protector against intellectual invades or decays..
Certainly, you are not at fault, or “bullying” on her, but exercising one of the genuine Islamic characteristics, which is protecting their females from any aggression, disgrace or indecency.. Many people do not comprehend this concept, or the ways to enforce.. Yes, some would go extreme, committing atrocities and unlawfulness, but majority are adhering to code of compassion.. I remember one of the Sheikhs who made a brief explanation: “Pegs are the only animals who have no objection for their females mating other males.. Therefore, it is one of the reasons; why they are prohibited for Muslims to eat.. Their awful behavior would transmit by consuming their meat..”
Certainly, your wife should not allow for false claims and reasons to make her vulnerable for humane weakness and disgraceful probabilities.. Quran & Hadeeth had taught us to avoid what is probable to what is assured.. Unfortunately, our societies spontaneously inherit many wrongdoings; which had clashed with logic and proper reasoning.. Some people would go extreme and “Hejab” their own world.. Others would exercise a hidden atheism, may Allah protect you all form both..
We can’t argue with Quran verses and Hadeeth, as such debates would bring disrespect to our most valuable intellectual and epistemic assets.. Only we simulate the logic and bring convections to opponents.. It is a lengthy process, but a sustainable and a lasting one.. Islam honors thinking and envisioning the intellectual contents of issues, exploring right and wrong by assessing not by fear or threat..
Unfortunately, being away from her is not a helping factor, yet, we have to earn living in today’s unmerciful world.. Maybe you should think of having a kid; who would fill all boredom and stillness in her life apart from you.. It is not a matter of punishing her, but bringing her to the righteous path.. I can’t tell you to try to being her to Dubai, because I know how is Dubai..!!
Let’s keep discussing.. Hope others would also contribute..
Be Blissed and Pleased..
Adil
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assalamailaikum adil
Thanks for your reply. I really appriciate it.
Please remember me in your dua and pray for me and my wife.
Inshallah I will think about a kid. Lets hope for the best inshallah.
Jazakallahkahir.
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Salam Waleykum wa rhamatoullahi wa barakatou brothers and sisters,
I am presently going through a divorce now. My husband divorced me because he do not want me to travel without a Mahram to visit my family who lives 5 hours from my home town. I converted about 3 years now and still learning my religion, I got married 2 months ago and my husband live in another country and I live in Canada, we were in the preparations of getting him here to Canada, when one day I wanted to visit my family and he said no there is a Hadith that says that women are not allowed to travel without a marham, ok which I agree with him, but thinking that he would understand that this is very difficult for me because I want to see my family and I do not have a marham here with me because I live alone in this city, I just moved here 6 moths ago and have no friends or family near me. But he explain lots of time to me his point and I explained mine and because of that we could not come to an agreement and he said that he did not want to force me and did not want to stop me from seeing my family but could not disobey Allah and His messenger therefore he divorced me. I do not want to divorce and also I still want to see my family, the solution would be to wait until he comes here to Canada inchaa Allah if everything goes well, but that meaning months
Please if someone have an advice……
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Salaam Allah;
Dear Sister.. Thank you for sharing your ordeal with us, whereas many would silently suffer, confronting painful seeds of skeptics and confusion about Islamic philosophies and practices..
I need to start by saluting your husband for his stand; as was apparently torn between the unexplainable beliefs and the intellectual logic.. Then; voluntarily chose what breaks his own heart before yours.. He is; so you are, typical victims of illiterate sheikhs and short-sighted imams, who only repeat interpretations of extreme conservatism, rather than working out referrals and evidences to understand the root-causes of any verdict prior to advocate among who had entrusted..
The true cores of Muslims are literally lost in linguistic interpretations.. In addition, many Muslim communities are either product of civil unrest and competition with other religions, or victims of socioeconomics which had made them intellectually prey for ignorance, injustice and isolation.. Muslims had once made their civilization on pillars of Science, Law and coexistence; regretfully, they almost lost them all by time and corrupt politics..
The purpose of banning women from lone travel is confirmed related to safeguarding them, rather than mistrust or forcible guardianship.. The same skeptic and misogynist minds still banning women from driving in KSA, advocate forced marriage in the Subcontinent, and marry child-brides in Yemen.. The same shortsighted views had slaughtered others in Syria, spread terrorism worldwide and ban the words of love..
I had created a new page under the domain of “Men & Women” called Traveling Women; which includes all Arabic referrals that are issued by well-versed Muftis in KSA and Egypt, who are confirmed knowledgeable, trustworthy and pious.. You may translate it in batches by Google-Translate for full understanding..
However, the bottom lines tells that today’s world has lots of attributes that make travel safe for kids as well.. It is up to Muslim couples to define the necessities of travel, which is often no-more luxury among average income people..!!
I hope your husband would read it too..
Be Blessed
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Barakallahou Fik brother thank you for your advice
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Plz could you tell me how i can be forgiven by allah as my husband has passed away and i was abusive verbally and physically towards him.
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Dear Sister.. Your simple words are more powerful than any..!
Allah swt had promised to forgive whoever wanted to be forgiven..
Once a person feels the heavy loud of the guilt in her/his heart; this would be the 1st step to be forgiven.. This what creates the “Sincere Intention” which is the pillar in all Islamic rituals.. On parallel, Sincere Intention includes not only admission and surrender to Allah swt, but also a preparatory therapy for the self to get rid of its devilish attributes and arrogance..
Then it is the practice of “Seeking Forgivingness”.. A person should keep recalling her/his guilt for a while.. This is not a self torture, but to humiliate and cleanse from echoes of hesitation or suspicion which are classic tools for disobedience and deviation.. Feeling the guilt should emotionally be stressful and aching.. On parallel, repeating “Istighfar” in any simple form or quote is enough, yet should be as many as you can.. Try to maintain a fixed number per day or following prayers or once get up at morning or before going into night sleep.. It is not necessary to be a complex sentences; as Allah swt adores more the simple yet continuous deeds..
This is for Allah; yet what about your deceased husband..?
Rights are never diminish by death.. This is a principle role..
Therefore, you need to seek his forgiveness too.. even after death..
What he needs now is not your tears and sincerity, but what would relief him some louds of his own guilt and wrongdoing.. We all have, often we do not notice or forget..
You may do many things in his name, in absentia:
1. Always make Dau’a for him, especially after the routine prayers..
2. Teach your kids to do the same, as nothing more lasting and effective than a Dau’a from a good and pious child.. Train and groom them to do the same for your own self too..
2. Give Sadaqah, specially to the needy, the orphan or the distressed..
3. Pay any debts he may owed and did not pay back..
4. Make gifts to his immediate family, especially living parents and siblings..
5. Do prayers and Quran reciting on his behalf or gift to him..
6. Perform Hajj or Umrah on his behalf, or sponsor someone to do it..
May Allah swt bless and please you..
Adil
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So if an otherwise good woman is forced to marry a degenerate man, she is ‘vile’ herself? Hmm, and you wonder why non-Muslims think Muslims lack the powers of reason.
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Dear Steven..
There is no “Forced Marriage” in Islam..
Concurrent practices among some Muslim communities are cultural, ethnic and social phenomenon, which have nothing to do with Islam.. The same applies to the practices in some non-Muslim African and Asian communities, whereas traditions would trade girls for rank, wealth or political alignment..
Therefore, your question and note are irrelevant to the concerns unless discussing the social implications.. Even so, it requires professional contributions..!
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Any discussion of responsibilities of husband and wife is absoluely incomplete without mentioning the case of forced marriage. Infact real cases of marriages always involve some elements of coercion sometimes made by parents or even economic circumstances.
Anyway, in the case of forced marriage of any type both husband and wife must either part gracefully or show incredible patience while accommodating each other.
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Asalamualaykum, will Allah forgive for the illegal sex comitted. Willing but out of knowledge of d laws of Allah
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Dear Fatima;
Salaam Allah and Lots of Blessings..
The Messenger PBUH had said: if you do not seek forgiveness , Allah swt would replace you with people who seek his forgiveness; then He swt would forgive them.. In addition, Quran and Sunnah had lots of verses on Forgiveness..
It is unconditional against any wrongdoing; as how deeply we (1) feel the guilt, (2) intended not to do it again, and (3) eliminate the root causes (as much as we can)
This would include any wrongdoing, apart from disbelieving, which means ousting from Islam..
Dear One..
The concept of Seeking Forgiveness is the admission that there is a Creator swt, who had set for us the path towards his pleasure and blessing.. Allah swt is pleased equally by our worshiping and seeking forgiveness.. True worshiper is never immune from wrongdoings, which is an ancient promise from Shytan to disturb our divine path.. The more we adhere to the righteous path, the more Shytan would bring deviations, seditions and distractions in our way..
Therefore, battling these wrongdoing is celebrated by Allah swt, as flagging how much we believe, strive for and love Allah swt.. Seeking Forgiveness is the stamp of prove..
Be Pleased and Blessed
Adil
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The following were addressed to a dear friend.. yet it is more beneficiary to share..
I’m very sorry for the sorrow and the suffering of all abused persons..
When a spouse is abusive, it is not that easy to make him or her to stop..
P.S., Men represent 40% of the domestic abuse cases worldwide..!!
This inhumane behavior is influenced of Bad Spirits on people..
Bad Spirits (Shytan and his klan) had swear to Allah swt to dysfunction the righteous path..
This can only happens by monopolizing of the spiritually-weak persons to cause hurt and harm to spiritually-moderate others..
The only shield is obtained by adherence to Quran and Sunnah; in terms of governing the way we live, act and respond..
Many visitors had hit this page of Muslim Wife..
Wives had complained from abusive or neglecting husbands..
I had made my intensive research and posted replies to meet each case..
Trying to fill the gap between physical and spiritual practices of Islam..
Some small deeds may look funny, but very effective, and meaningful for who knows..!
I do not recommend any intervention with the faulty spouse.. They would turn more abusive..
Just try hard the advices and the commandments, and keep repeating..
Hold strong your trust of Allah swt.. and how close He swt is to you..
Simply, He swt is however we envision Him swt.. Close or Distant.. Careful of Busy..!!
The abusive spouse needs some body whom s/he respects; to advise..
How it is import to be gentle to the family..
If a spouse is not gentle, when old time comes, no one would serve him or her with water..
Life is all about trading values and morals..
O’ Fellow Muslim..
When we die, our possessions and deeds will not shield us from the Grave-Hardship..
No one had come back to life; to tall us what Grave-Hardship is..
We have to trust the words of Allah swt and His Messenger PBUH.. on how real it is..
Each of us need a family to make sincere Dau’a and Sadaqah for mercy, after our death..
The more loving their prayers for us would be, the soft our Grave-Hardship will be..
Strangers would feel sorry for our death, yet; sooner would forget and keep their own living..
Only our spouses and family would keep remembering and praying for us..
These prayers will shower our graves with water, bright and make-wider..
Can you imagine what this means..?
No wonder how many tears fill your eyes now…
If not.. Your heart needs serious purification..!
Easy done: Gear up, make wadu and strong intention for apology and forgiveness..
Then offer couple of Rakaah with a grateful conscious heart..
This is the glorious blessed start-up..
May Allah swt bless you, your family and your loved ones..
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I have been married to a very beautiful and lovely wife for more quite long time. After our 1st night when we made love, her menses started on the 2nd day and I refrained from going into her for over 8 days till she had her ghusal. She praised me for it when she was with her friends as u know how women are. In the beginning she was very good at love play but after our two children were born she would find excuse for not wanting sex. In the bedroom I always try to fulfill her desire too. In fact i want to follow a sunnah which I have read or heard some where that if u let ur wife have orgasm, its like u have done a ghaza. Now when I ask her forcefully does she allow me, once in a week to hold her to fulfill my desire for sex without letting me to go into her. She lets me in once in a month only.
Her main problem is that she has a bad mouth due to which she starts an argument on very trivial matters which ends only when I threaten her. Then we stop talking for 3 to 8 days and it is I who initiates the dialogue. In order to have good and friendly atmosphere, I always try not to be serious most of the time and have fun with her and our children. Sometimes even when I am joking with her or the children she will start an argument which spoils the whole fun. Inspite of that she gets serious while I try to stay calm and she stops only when I admonish her. In our part of the world it is not considered manly who cannot straigten his wife without a divorce. Some times I ask ALLAH to let me have a long muswak to put her to her senses, but if I did many people would admonish me for raising hands on my wife.
I always tell her that u area born Muslim only and I make Dua to give her guidance. I tell her sometimes that if u found out what the duties of a good wife are u will not sleep as u do now. I think these are kind of women on whom the angels curse till dawn.
In narrating my story here is that the Muslimahs should know that there are women like my wife also who have no concern what so ever for their husbands but the husbands are putting up with them.
May ALLAH guide her to the true Islam. Ameen
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Dear Brother.. Salaam Allah.. with sincere Prayers and Dau’s for you..
I do thank you for your bravery and insightfulness to share your story and bear the pain to uphold your family.. A true Man in an almost “Menless” world..
Despite the loving motivations and deeds since the 1st day of your marriage, I could spot the small holes that grew and ruined your happiness and dreams..
1st, you should not accept that your wife share your privacies with other women.. It may be a custom, but it violates the 1st commandment in Islamic marriage and wife’s duties; To keep the spousal privacies private.. Why? Such act would continue, with or without your knowledge and acceptance, and certainly will include both joyful and sad incidents.. While you can’t confirm how trustworthy or nobly her audience of friends or relatives are.. Turning your private life into materials for gossip and probably jokes is an implicit outcome of such gatherings..
Yes, this had already happened many years ago, and also turned from an incident into a habit; which is hard to reverse..
2nd, despite your attempts to take actions against inappropriate talks or deeds of your wife, I can confirm that your gentle and chivalry personality would reduce the affect you meant.. Yes, she responds, due to her core goodness, yet changes again, and again.. This would only confirm that her gossip circle are not that noble, nor religious enough to support..
3rd, although no words mentioned on your (you and your wife) religious attendance, I can see relaxation, believing that piousness and attendance would shield the Muslim someway or another.. Whenever we turn our back to rituals, we exercise sort of false arrogance instead of the humbleness and helplessness a Muslim should present to his Almighty Creator swt..
I’m sure that your wife has good substances despite her recent bad mouth or anger.. otherwise you would find your children echo her unwelcomed attitudes.. Goodness initially meet and tie the knot, then one or both would grow superficially deviating, which should be managed before transforming to be a cordially characteristic..
So; what can be done..?
I guess you need to continue your gentle glimpse to her, while indirectly attract her into female Muslim supporting groups around.. Accompany her to interesting activities to distant her from any negative affects.. Seek a specialist advise on how to revive your leadership and lovely beginning.. Change your social spectrum and bring halal excitement into your world.. Create occasions where some close Muslim families would share, then enjoy gathering prayers and religious chat; whereas Angles would gather around and purify your lives..
The Prophet PBUH had said that we shall never deviate if we uphold Quran and Sunnah.. This is not a matter of rituals, but primarily confidence and resilience..
Be Blessed and Pleased..
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Asalamualaikum! What if a wife do all that is mentioned for good wife should do. But still her husband call her bad , , smelley enemy of ALLAH in front of her children. Telling her any thing you done for me is wipe out. Because you make me angried. If one husband always said this statement am not happy with you .without ground only useless things. We the wife sake for divious because you can’t marry to a husband who want you to be perfect. Even if he do some things wrong he blame. You always try to do things to make him happy. If make a surprise just make a special meal for him. If he came started screaming what is spelling here. Take your smelling food you don’t respect me that is why you cooked this meal at the end you have no confidence in yourself you always think you are bad woman. What advice should you give me.
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Dear Mariama Samateh; Salaam Allah, Mercy and Blessings for you..
I can sincerely feel your pain and hurt.. and confusion on what else would you do to make life normally happier and comfortable.. It seems that you had tried all, and scarified everything for you husband and children, tried to ignore the pain and pursue all what a good Muslim wife would do.. On parallel, your greatest fear is to get any of your families or friends to know what’s happening, as it would create more pain and hurt.. not reconciliation and comfort..
Regretfully, this became a typical agony of most Muslim wives..
Certainly, we experience more chaos our parents and ancestors did not have.. Their lives were much simpler, more honorable and less demanding.. The universe was likely more balanced and integrated than what we have today..
Yet, we have to strongly and unshakably hold our faith.. Not because there is no easy solution for this ongoing dilemma, but because life is only transitional phase in our creation legacy.. We bear the pains and hurt because Allah swt had promised us to reward who are patient, striving and resilient for the great cause to worship, obey and honor our Mighty Creator swt..
Dear Sister,
keep your faith and trust that Allah swt will turn siuch misery into happiness at a point of time.. Keep your Dau’ for your path to be protected from evil touches, and you family from evil confusions and your Husband from his self’ insinuations.. Never stop telling Allah swt how weak, unhappy and hurt you are.. Whisper to Him swt with your fears and dreams.. Keep speaking to Him swt.. We all miss this great hint to keep talking to Allah swt.. He swt like hearing us as well..
When you make your Dau’; consciously believe it will be heard, and replied, inshaallah
Be blessed and Pleased
Adil
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Yeah it truly is funny how issues similar to this one begin looking ridiculously insignificant when compared to the world news. The next section of the cold-war, the actual actual war that erupts, Russia-China fuel offer axis… Yet here we’re with our socialmedia difficulties, – can we ever see the world has improved? I’m not stating what you reveal is unimportant, Iam saying a certain amount of detachment is balanced. Thanks, Sarah @ http://phyto-renew350e.com/
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Dear Sarah; Salaam Allah
Yes, what we are discussing here is unimportant for who have no personal issues that hinder her or him for active participation in world affairs.. Yet, a person without a clear mind and relaxed soul will never be an asset in such matters.. The ancient used to say: huge blazes are ignited by small insignificant sparks..
Therefore, such small personal matters are the entire universe for whomever deals with.. Hoping that most of us will be free from any nagging minors to contribute to the bigger pictures..
You are most welcomed at: http://adilsud.blogspot.ae/
Be Blessed
Adil
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All the characteristics which are mentioned above are very nice and every Muslimah should know about them to be a good wife.
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please response to my comment. . most of the time im getting confused and stressed
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Dear Sara… Salaam Allah..
Thanks for your trust and question.. Prayers to Allah swt to enlighten us towards a righteous solution..
Kindly accept my apology for the delayed response; as I’m not 100% dedicated online, due to earning living..
Notably, The Prophet PBUH did not condemn the wife’s jealousy.. On the contrary; when the famous incident of Sayyadah Aisha took place; He had gently provided a lesson on self control and how to abide to fairness and equality among His wives PBUT..
Yes, there was no other significant heritage of incidents related to jealousy, therefore, we have to establish a rationale to address the matter.. This is not a short or pitfall in Islamic faith, but convenience to a matter that is related to different times, places and cultures..
My typical start is about the self shield from touches and fool plays by Iblees; who has sustainable voluntary mission to disturb the lives of the believers.. He influences us by all expected and unexpected means to engulf in issues, conflicts and hurdles that would block our endeavors for peaceful worship and blessings.. Therefore, keeping your wad’oo, prayers, Quran reciting are the key things that each Muslimah and Muslim should maintain throughout their times, as much as possible.. These are the principle “Guardians” for our peace and comfort..
Dear Sisiter..
Jealousy is normal and praised behavior of mankind, which some modern trends had wrongly called as outdated and unacceptable.. This deviation had resulted in the increase of illegitimate affairs, broken matrimonies and extreme materialism.. Today, these societies are coming back for extreme conservatism and/or chaotic livelihood..
Therefore, do not condemn your own feelings, which any man would love to have at his wife.. Certainly men like the jealousy wife, yet never admit or tell..!!
Excessive Jealousy usually interprets past experiences; that had seeded shaken self confidence, social skeptics, and possession assurance.. Yes, none of us is responsible about what had developed in our personalities during the up-bringing and growing, yet while getting mature, we should apply self critic and seek professional solutions for our inconveniences..
This is exactly what you had done; seeking help for others.. Therefore you are on the right track.. The only thing that such self coaching and support can not perform remotely, as the direct contact with the healer would make 50% of the success.. Therefore, I would recommend seeking this help from a an entrusted professional or expert..
You may try to apply my self-shield recommendations, while assure to your self that you are not doing something wrong.. It is all normal to love and feel jealous about your man..
On parallel, gradually share your feelings with your husband.. He holds key solutions by considering your feelings.. At the end, what’s ever you feel and do is resulted from love, and closeness, which is perfectly great, normal and Islamic..
If all did not work, you may seek that professional assistance, which is easy and simple to achieve lasting results..
Remember, always ask Allah swt to help you to be a better Muslimah, which He swt would listen to and award inshaallah..
Be Blessed
Adil
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jazakallahukhairan for your reply. . yes you are right , im trying to control my self and im seeking help from Allah swt.
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salam. . i want to be good wife to my hubby and he also same with me and he is the best person where i never ever found him like him. . but the problem is if he is talking with any other girls for a need or if any other girls wants to talk with him for a reason, im getting jealousy. . i dont know why i behave like this :((. . please solve my problem
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will i be cursed if i refuse sex with my husband who comes home addicted heavily to drugs. i cant have sex with him when he is like that. what can i do?
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Dear Saaniya…
Thanks for your trust and query
Yes, wives are generally obliged to satisfy the intimate needs of their husbands.. The verdict did not include exclusions or conditions.. Certainly; this creates lots of moral stress and psychological inconveniences for most of the Muslim women…
There is two issues to address the matter:
The 1st; Any Islamic verdicts are conditioned by Muslim Eligibility.. meaning; to maintain mental, maturity and fitness to exercise Islam.. Whenever a person deliberately loses self control. consciousness or mental health, s/he is giving away the privileges granted as a Muslim; and blocks blessings and Rizq to reach.. This is the battle preachers are entrusted for; to keep the Muslims (men and women) sober and fit for Islam.. Regretfully, much of such efforts are not fruitful for various reasons, therefore, lost of Muslims deviate from the righteous path and goals..
The 2nd; The female endeavor in Islam is widely mysterious; which had confused many Muslims and will continue doing so.. It is mysterious as Muslim women are requested to unconditionally nurture their husbands; while been regarded precious in Muslim lives; which men have to care for, gentle with and protect.. Muslim men are generally and practically trapped in such paradox.. On the other hand, regretfully; they will continue doing so, as interpreting Islam as a way of life is challenged with unqualified preachers and short sighted speakers and leaders..
Therefore, It is important to relief your own self for the feel of guilt, which would hurt your Muslim faith, openness and free spirit.. You are a great Muslim women, who has live and active soul and consciousness; which is rare now-a-days..
However, I would recommend to continue your duties as a wife, despite how uneasy to feel the intimacy in such situations.. The great thing about women is their ability to scarify for the greater esteems.. Just keep reminding your own self, with full faith; that you are doing what is needed to please Allah swt and seek His strength, blessing and forgiveness.. Certainly; Allah swt will intervene in His own way.. Trust this..!
On parallel, try to seek support from the close ones (with enough cautions) to help your husband to quit his awful habits.. Whenever a wrongdoing is fully exposed as religiously sinful and unacceptable; the addicted person would quit; subject for calm, smooth and gradual approaches..
As generally advised; maintain and keep your prayers, Quran recites and Wado’ to shield your self and your family from the devilish touches and plots..
Be Blessed
Adil
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What is Islam point of view by saying “MA SALAM”
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Islam is the true religion of peace.. not only by recommending peace approaches and reconciliations, but also by customs and habits.. It was one of the early guidance of Islam to greet the people by Peace call; As’salam Alikum wa-Rahmatu-Allah wa Barakatouh (Peace upon You; with Allah’s Mercy and Blessings), and also to leave them with the same..
The Arabic phrase Ma-Salamah means (May Safety Accompany You); which had been reduced to (Ma-Salam or Ma-Salem or Salaam or Salem) which had resulted from urban lives and different linguistics; is used to convey the same wishful prayer..
Islam values the intentions as much as the physical act.. yet, people can’t read intentions nor judge.. I guess that both expressions will convey the message of peace, but the authentic one includes a prayer to Allah swt to shower the gathering with peace..
It is up to your appetite to use any, as far as feel adherence to Allah’s righteous path..
Be Blessed
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yestarday i faught with my wife i angered on she too shown angry shaitan created huge fight finally i said i will go out she said no stay here only..after that i cried lot and she also cried then i said shaitan creating problem i will go out she said if u go i will die..she created one plan also to die…i dont know why she thinked like that then i said sorry she also said sorry finally problem solved but i want to know why for small things she decided to die….i got marry one month and half month back only pls suggest me what o do to take this thoughts from her i am 100 islam follower she also good girl but she will behave differently when we fight…
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Dear friend, may Allah continue to give you since of reasoning, firstly i an happy you have a wife who loves you, as you just got married, she’ll always want to see you around her, I want you to know that both of you are from different families with different background, idea, upbringing, so it’ll be a little bit difficult to adjust to each other way of life, but it just a matter of time. as for you, always tell her year u love her, now you are everything to her, husband, brother, father, companion, so she want to see everything she want in you. now that you’re married, spend more time with her than your friends. May the peace of Allah be upon your home.
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Dear Friends.. I’m very happy and thankful for the reply put by Raqeeb; which tells how mature and open sighted he is.. Mashaallah.. I need to add a small thing here..
Today’s culture had materialized almost everything in our lives.. which is quite different from the standard one that Islam had promoted for..
In addition for showing your gratitude and love, in all possible means and ways.. It is also recommended to maintain basic Islamic codes that would prevent or minimize the evil deeds from spoiling your lives..
Pls always remember, that Satan had promised with the powers of Allah’s Glory and Pride swt; to disturb and destruct our belief and obedience.. The more you are a Muslim, the more you might be troubled by this evil promise.. Yet, you are not left powerless..!!
Allah swt had promise the believers how keep Him swt in their consciousness and realization; will be shield from Satan.. Also, Raspoul Allah PBUH had recommended seeking ways to shield our selves by simple rituals and actions..
1. Maintain your prayers..
2. Keep on your wadu..
3. Mention Allah swt whenever enter, wear, use or do anything, even touching your lovely wife.. saying Bism-Ellah
4. Seeking Allah’s shield swt, whenever confront unpleasant, discomfortable or bad thing or act.. Saying A’oz-bi-Ellah
5. Maintain your trust and confidence that Allah swt will empower you, shield you and ease your way of life, inshaallah
Certainly, share the same with your wife.. and as Raqeeb said.. Love her more and more..
Be Blessed
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What to do when husband constantly threatening to leave. Abusive, physically and verbally. Does not like me being praised by others. Always wants to find faults in me. Tells me I am ugly, useless, lazy, fat, stupid etc.. What I believe I am is a practising Muslim with three beautiful daughters and a son, who study hard and get top marks at school are always clean neat and tidy and treat everyone with respect. We’re am I going wrong?
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Dear Sister.. May Allah swt shower your life with mercy, blessings and happiness…
Today’s world is further tough, rough and seducing.. We all fight the odds to maintain our own peace and comfort.. We all fight to maintain our own sanity while life is hacked by various elements of consumption, dissatisfaction and intolerance.. However, we have to live it, and fight back for all the goodness we dream about..
I’m almost certain that no one would like to be harsh or abusive, but the various stresses and harassment ignite unnecessary fights and heat in each household.. in each work place..
I’m sure that your husband is one of those sincere men who try to balance their earnings with the family demands and securities.. Certainly, he pays lots of efforts not only to maintain his work life, but also to maintain the sustainability of his family.. This is something that accumulated and increased during your years of marriage.. This increases with kids growing up, self energy declining and urban threats growing alike mushrooms..
The traditional manly behavior would not allow him to share his worries with you.. which adds to his agony..
usually, domestic abuse is a sign of weakness rather a proof of superiority..
I’m sure that you spare no effort or chance to show your love and care for him.. I’m sure that your household is a great one with comfort and pleasure.. I’m sure you try to look feminine and pretty whenever an occasion occur.. I’m sure how your decent manners, as well as your kids are lovely and appealing.. Therefore, I can’t find any more physical action to do..
Only you may try to get to know more about your husband’s work and business.. NOT to use that to chat with him, but to understand what stresses and pressures he is exposed to.. This will gradually build invisible communications channel..
Therefore; you are only advised to maintain some rituals to bring further divine blessings and comfort into your life..
1. Maintain your prayers..
2. Always keep on your wadu..
3. Mention Allah swt whenever enter, wear, use or do anything, even touching your lovely wife.. saying Bism-Ellah
4. Seeking Allah’s shield swt, whenever confront unpleasant, discomfortable or bad thing or act.. Saying A’oz-bi-Ellah
5. Maintain your trust and confidence that Allah swt will empower you, shield you and ease your way of life, inshaallah
Be Blessed
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Assalamuwalaykum,
I want to say that the article and most of the replies on this site are completely biased! According to you, no matter what the scenario, the wife must be doing something wrong and she must change her ways. There’s not much on here about how a husband should treat his wife. Your mentality is especially visible by your repeated use of the word ‘command’. A marriage is a partnership and both partners have different roles, but in no way is a wife a slave to her husband like you make it sound. Furthermore, there are several hadiths which cover the topic of abuse or beating of wives and it is actually even grounds for divorce, but you didn’t mention any of this to ‘Rose’.
I appreciate what you are trying to do, but you really shouldn’t be giving out advice if you aren’t going to be impartial!
P.s.
Rose, if he is being physically abusive, especially in front of the kids, I would definitely advise for you to take action. If talking to him directly isn’t an option(often isn’t in this situation), maybe approach a local imam or a family elder for advice or counselling.
Insha’allah I will also make dua’a for you.
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Dear Zeynab;
Salaam Allah.. Thanks for your review and critics..
Without healthy dialogue, debates and critics, the knowledge will decline, and the path would be substantially void..
However, I need to hi-light two things..
1st, apparently you did not carefully browse this site, to find where I do stand or advocate, particularly in the gender issue. I’d appreciate your observations on the whole contents not only “Muslim Wife” page..
2nd, This article is attracting lots of female comments, which are encouraged by the author signature (KashmiriGirl); who I did not know, but found her 1998 article simple; at the time when I had assembled this web site.. However, her web link is there for whoever wants to communicate, debate of criticize..
My responses to the queries are coming from intellectual background rather than doctrine or enthusiasm.. My academic and professional being are far from the usual pitfalls of Imams or Scholars, who are mostly narrow sighted and politically driven..
Yes, I am biased whenever it comes to the “Righteous Islam”; which denounces Sectarian divides, Intellectual red-tapes and Misalignment to Epistemia.. Therefore, there is no issue can not be discussed, debated or shared, except the Being of The Creator swt.. The whole site is about the controversial intellectual issues..
Coming to Rose’s case;
I can’t fuse or inflame the matrimony, knowing that there are many unspoken issues which tie the true knot between a wife and a husband.. I do answer a wife whenever she asks, and same to a husband.. The other contents of the site would help each to figure out how perfectly to perform their duties.. I always try to establish a ground for reconciliation and closeness, not only by psychology or religious recommendations, but also with interpretation of simple things that truly affect our wellbeing; from Islamic and Sufi points of view..
Thanks again, and be Blessed
Adil
PhD, MSc, BA Arch, ICOMOS, PMI, AACE, PR2, ets…!!
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I had a problem with my boyfriend six months ago,which lead to us apart.
When he broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside
sorry.Until a friend of mine told me about one of her spells that helped in
same problem too. i email the spells and I told him my problem
and I did what he asked me to briefly make. the long story Before I knew it
what happened,not 48 hours,my friend gave me a call and he
come back to me and told me he was sorry about what was going to happen, I’m so
grateful to these spells and will not stop publishing his name on the internet
just for the good work he has doing.If you need his help,you can email him,he can cast any spell of your choice at
and he will also help you to
I will be forever grateful to you.
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Dear One;
Casting spells is not Islamic, nor cultured as well..
Casting spells is either forcing people against their independent will.. or divert their attentions to elements they had missed..
In both; it may granted the actions to follow the desires of the performer rather than the subject another..
I had removed the contacts of your advisor, yet who would be interested would contact you directly..
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In above you mentioned that Prophet (S.A.W) said among your women that will go to heaven are those who are…, bear children and…
So u mean to say that women who don’t bear children won’t go to heaven?
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Dear Mia;
Salaam Allah..
Thanks a lot for your comment..
Despite the fact that the entire article was not mine; but copied with the link is provided.. However, I read it as various conditions, not details of a single condition..
This comes within the fact that there are five matters, which a human being has no say or control of: Birth, Death, Marriage, Children and Earnings (Rizq)
None of us determines any birth; his own or others..
None of us determines his own (natural) death or others..
None of us determines whom s/he will eventually marries..
None of us determines having kids or not..
None of us determines the context of earnings or Rizq..
These all are already proven facts of life..
How many notable Muslim pious women were not mothers.. Starting with Sayedah Aisha PBUH..
Anyways, the sole conditions for Heaven is faithfully believing and sincerely worshiping Allah swt..
Similarly, Heaven has various ranks whereas each is conditioned with particular criteria.. following a rule of rewarding as per eligibilities..
May Allah swt reward you with the highest rank of Heaven.. Ameen
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I love islam
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Me too…
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Some very interesting thoughts. Do you think all religions can co-exist in peace in a NUCLEAR AGE???
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Religions are routes towards the sought Al-Mighty Creator.. Co-existence among religion is to agree on principle of creation, yet disagree on details.. Nuclear Age is just another phase of our Humane Civilization..
Linking all would suggest that maturity of religious belief would enable reconciliation among religion to turn the Nuclear powers into progressive tool for sustainable civilization..
On the contrary; immaturity creates fanatics and radicalism; which deforms the concept of Almighty Creator, and accelerate disagreements into hatred and armed fights, using the Nuclear powers to eliminate the human civilization.. and race..!!
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May Allah be with you,I pray that this tips and knowledge you share sinks in our hearts as we are reading to learn and I pray that Allah accept ur act as ibadah for the prophet said”we should share our physical and mental ideas”Alhamdulillah wa jazakhallahu kahyran.ma salam
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Salaam Allah.. Ramadhan Kareem..
Thank you dear sister for the compliment and dauaa.. May Allah swt bliss us in these blessed times.. Ameen
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Thanks for sharing the famous stories about it. I enjoyed reading as well as learned too.
muslim marriage solutions
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Qualities of a Good Muslim Wife
http://islamicvoice.com/january.99/women.htm
From the viewpoint of Islam, a good wife is considered to be the best thing in the world. This accords her a special position, and places responsibility on the husband to treat her according to this elevated position. The role of the wife in the marriage is extremely important, indeed it is the decisive factor.
Wives must do their best to keep their husbands pleased with them. The ideal wife combines in herself three merits; she pleases her husband when he sees her, by taking care to appear beautiful before him; she obeys him when he gives a command; she does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property.
To refuse to go with her husband when he calls her to bed is a grave mistake that a wife must avoid.
When a wife intends to fast voluntarily, she may do so only with her husband’s permission. If she does not receive his permission, then he has the right to make her break her fast when she is observing it. The reason for this is that he might wish to exercise his conjugal rights with her, which he cannot do if she is fasting with his permission.
It is a wife’s duty not to allow anyone, that her husband does not want, to enter the house without his permission. She may not give anything away of her husband’s property without his permission. She should avoid asking a husband for extra money, or for that which he does not possess and cannot provide, and she should show gratitude for whatever is given.
A good wife is one who is true to her husband’s word if he adjures her to do something. On a husband’s return home, a wife should receive him kindly and meet him with a good and beautiful appearance. She should try not to neglect her husband’s needs nor ignore his demands. The more a wife takes care of her husband, the more she will be loved. Most husbands consider their wives care of them as an expression of their love.
A wife should discuss family problems with her husband to alleviate any later problems or misunderstandings. It is for her to hold her husband’s close relatives in respect and treat them kindly, which is a mark of respect and honour for the husband.
Leaving the house frequently is a bad habit for a woman. She should also not leave the house if her husband objects to her doing so. She does not have the right to lend anything of her husband’s property against his wishes. However, she can lend from her own property.
If a husband’s friends enquire about him, a wife should answer them but without indulging in lengthy conversation. Too many arguments and disputes with a husband, heaping abuse on him, leads, in fact, to hatred and deterioration of the relationship. Taking care of the house and running the household are the wife’s responsibility.
If the husband gives his wife permission to go out to work, this should not be seen as a licence to equality. In fact, the issue of also producing income to the households is something which might later act as a dividing factor between husband and wife. If the wife works outside the house, her income is entirely hers to do with, as she pleases. Her husband has no right over it. If she prefers not to work, she must be satisfied with the level of comforts her husband can provide on his income and not pose unreasonable demands on him.
A wife may not give alms from her husband’s property without his permission. Speaking to or telling others about sexual matters between a husband and wife is a grave sin in Islam. This applies to both parties. She should not be afraid to express her love and affection for her husband. It will please him and bind him closer to the family; Moreover, if he does not find an attractive, loving woman at home, he may be driven for solace elsewhere, outside the home.
Leadership in the family is given to the husband. For the wife to demand complete and full equality with her husband will result in having two masters in the family and this does not exist in Islam. However, the husband should not behave in an autocratic manner and misuse his position. He should display love and affection and treat his wife as a partner in life. Marriage is a partnership of love, trust and mutual respect between two people. Its foundations are solidly established by Islam and exists as a sanctified castle, so to speak.
We have listed here the many and varied duties and acts of commission as well as omission by the wife. This does not imply that the husband has no reciprocal duties and obligations. On the contrary, his function within the marriage bond is equally important. However, one should bear in mind that marriage means understanding and behaving tenderly towards one’s partner. It is a partnership of give and take. (Courtesy Islamic Future)
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Thank you so much for this. I have gone to so many other sites detailing the rights a man has over his wive, and her obligations to him, but never mentioning the fact that marriage itself is a partnership based on trust and the love of Allah. All those other sites I looked at forgot to mention the obligations a man must fulfil for his wive. There was never any mention of what a man must do to please his wive, and in return, to please Allah and to be saved from the fires of hell. They made marriage sound like something to be avoided because there are so many things a woman can to do displease her husband, and which can send her into the fires of hell. That the same is true for men is not usually mentioned. So thank you for mentioning that marriage is a partnership based on mutual trust and respect.
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How to Preserve the Muslim Family
http://islamicvoice.com/january.99/women.htm
Muslim families are at the crossroads today. The Western model is not a suitable pattern for the family life. Its style of family life has resulted in conjugal infidelity, large scale marriage breakdown, high rates of divorces, separations, broken homes, alcoholism, drug addiction, libertinism and the like.
Those who blindly mimic Western model, exploit their women to such an extent that the latter are made mere sex objectives. The only solution to the Muslim family’s predicament is maintenance of Islamic family values. Islam builds the family on solid grounds, which are capable of providing continuity, security, mutual love and intimacy.
With a view to making the foundations of the family strong and natural, Islam not only recognizes but also lays emphasis on marriage, which is a wholesome pattern of lawful intimacy harmoniously blended with decency, morality and gratification.
Marriage and the family are the focal point in the Islamic system. There are many verses in the Qur’an and many statements of the Prophet (Pbuh), which declare marriage to be a moral safeguard and a religio-social commitment. For example, in the Surah Nissa, Allah calls upon mankind to be dutiful to Him, who created them from it, created its mate and from the two of them scattered abroad many men and women.
The Qur’an says that Allah has created for you from among yourselves mates to seek mutual love and mercy. The Noble Prophet (Pbuh) is reported to have said: “Marriage is my Sunnah; who so violates my Sunnah is not one among us.”
The aim of the Muslim family must be worship of Allah, as marriage is considered to be yet another form of Ibadah. If the aim of the family is carnal satisfaction or worldly gains, then the family institution fails miserably.
The responsibility of the family does not revolve solely on the husband or the wife or on children or grand-children. It is a collective responsibility on all of them together and even beyond that to the previous generation of grand-parents.
A family can be a Muslim family, only if parents behave correctly and follow the Sunnah. If they do not live in accordance with the Sunnah, they have no right to hope or expect their children to be good Muslims. As you sow, so you reap.
Cultivation of Islamic values is essential in a Muslim family and they should not only be cultivated but also nurtured. Our likes and dislikes, our conception of nice and vulgar, good and neat and chaotic, etc., must be in conformity with the Sunnah, for the Prophet (Pbuh) is reported to have said: “The one among you does not believe unless his own desires and likings are in conformity with what I have brought.” Remember this applies to personal habits, dress, food manners, etc.,
For the preservation and maintenance of the Muslim family there must be instilled in its members a strong sense of belonging to the Muslim Ummah. The family is not an individual entity; it is a social aspect and so must be strengthened.
A Muslim family must socialize with other Muslim families. Parents must, no doubt, avoid corrupt people and refrain from socializing in sick environment and also see to it that their children avoid corrupt people and refrain from socializing in sick environments.
At the same time, they must provide better alternatives and there can be no better alternative then befriending good Muslims, especially Ulemas.
These are some ways of promoting and preserving the Muslim family. In conclusion, I fervently appeal to my fellow-religionists to remain continuously conscious and creative about the Islamic aspects. Educated Muslims must apply the Islamic concepts; “think”, contemplate”, “look”, “realize”, “know”, “become wise”, “reason”, etc., on the Muslim society, and help in transformation of the Qur’anic and Prophetic concepts of the family into our daily life.
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Asalam Aleikum. i would like to share my story and i need some advice considering mariage matter. I used to live with my grandmother. When the age of 17 my grandmother wanted to give a husband when i dint want to get married that moment , my dream was to learn education and creat my own career. My uncles wanted to force me but i could not tolerate it. Then i decided to run away and look for a life which was my biggest mistake. after one week i met a married man who was willing to help me. I never knew his intention through his talking. He decided to help me in studies and to protect me . After some time he said he wants me to be his second wife. i took a thought that if i refuse him where wil i go and who wil accept me as a wife to continue my studies. I agreed him when my heart wasnt ready just because i needed help . Then after one term he claimed he doesnt have money he had family financial problems. I was shocked and accepted his words since he broke my virgin and got me married through signing papers. i had to tolerate that life with him. his wife found out about his affairs with me and brought big problems yet he tried to solve them.i lived with him for a year now. I dont know what to decide am not educated since i wanted that. I never loved him i had to force myself. am so young and he is 37 years old and has two kids. i need advice shall i move on or i continue
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Dear Narmin.. Salaam Allah..
Thanks for sharing your story, which would inspire many of who suffer suppressions or unfair family roles for not to follow the painful choices and route you had mistakenly sought refuge within.. Certainly, your realization of how mistaken you had gone is a healthy sign.. Mistakes often grow to rule our lives, and almost ruin everything we had dreamed of.. Please be thankful for Allah swt that He had gifted you such realization..
A great light at the end of the dark tunnel, which you had bravely concurred.. Yes bravely, as you fought for a dream, accepting someone you did not love, and scarify every sense to make up a wish..
I said almost ruined your life, because the chances are many out there to rectify what had happened and restore your own self.. Just you need a thoughtful plan..!
1st; we as Muslims; do not marry for conditions or particular terms.. Whatsoever.. Islamic Marriage is sacred and critical for persons, community and nation.. You marry someone because you can share a blessed life and possibly breed blessed children too.. Regardless monogany or polygany..!
2nd; Islamic Marriage is not an affair, even if was made by a written commitment between the couple.. Therefore, it is essential to be public, at least by a couple of persons.. Yes, many fake preachers had advocated for such covert marriage agreement; which does not stand for any personal, social or legal situations.. However, I can see that your husband, despite the drama from the other wife, did not withdraw from his commitment to you.. This would tell about his feelings towards you, despite the secrecy you both have..
3rd; People may go through financial turbulences; which became further common now-a-days.. Yet, this is not a base for divorce, unless the will to rectify the situation is weak.. You may get a job and make earnings to help your family with him.. Yet, I do not know how it is with his other wife..?
4th; I do not understand what you mean by (not educated)..? Degrees are not necessary to earn living.. Yes, they make it easier, but not conditional.. You may phase your dream into 3 phases: secure your living by your own, enroll for a vocational training to get a better job in computers, admin or sales, then enroll for the degree you dream about.. Not necessary to jump to the goal.. Sometimes; building your goal piece by piece is more exciting..
5th; you need to decide for yourself, whether to continue or not in this marriage..? If you would consider how good he is for you; just formalize this marriage, at least by couple of witnesses.. If you would not want to continue, there are many NGOs and support groups which would offer you refuge and help to start up your life again.. This is common worldwide.. yet I do not know about your country..
Dear Sister;
You are young and the whole world at your quest; just do not rush to decisions or actions.. Ask Allah forgiveness and guidance, as sincerely you would be; as how the divine brightness would fill your world.. We all commit mistakes, yet all are erasable by sincerity and love..
A time would come for you to be anxious to stand praying, whispering and asking Allah swt..
I pet you will enjoy this the most..!
Be Blessed
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