Muslim Wife

 

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The following article should be read with the other one addressed to “Muslim Husband” as well as all other posts about Marriage.. This is to avoid exaggerating the role of one spouse over the other, nor to down grade the contribution of a spouse for the other.. Marriage is a sacred social formation; not only in Islam but in all religions and faiths.. Without the correct attention and participation, such a bond will not last, or will require a heavy price from both parties; and their kids as well.. In the failed marriage, all parties lose..

I had noticed the unjust attitudes of most husbands, which are simply deviation from the cores of Islam, and the righteous guidance of his Prophet PBUH.. We need to admit that we lack lots of the true essences and knowledge of Islam, due to translation, illiteracy and media confusion.. Then we shall collectively strive to understand more and carefully implement the correct behavior and habits..

Our unqualified Imams had already ruined many generations, and indirectly seeded extremism and domestic abuse, by ill-interpreted Quran verses and Hadith.. The famous quest of 4/34 on beating women is just scandalous example of moral fragmentation and disassembly.. The speed of social changes beats the capability of most preachers to accommodate reasonable and acceptable elaborations and understanding..

Marriage, in any religion; is practically build on love.. and the moral bravery to express love..

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By: kashmirigirl
Sep 29, 1998

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/religion-and-scripture/38648-the-characteristics-of-a-good-wife.html

The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means “This life is a joy and its best joy is a good wife” [Muslim], also, “A women is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her (adherence to) religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win” [Bukbari & Muslim] and, “Four are causes of happiness,: A good wife, a big house, a good neighbor and a good way of transportation” [Al-Hakim].

The above Hadiths emphasize the importance of marrying a good Muslim woman. This is why Muslim men should always seek such women to be happy in this life. Following are some of the characteristics of a good wife:

1. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husband’s property, etc). [4:34]. Ibn Katheer said, “Ibn Abbas said, ‘The righteous women are obedient to their husbands (Qanitaat). Also ibn Katheer said, “Imam Suddi said, ‘They (good wives) protect their husbands’ honor and money in their absence.”‘

2. Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadhan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors.

3. The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “Your women who will enter Paradise are those nice to their husbands, who bear children, and those who keep checking the needs of their husbands. If her husband gets angry with her, she would hold his hand and say : “By Allah, I will not sleep until you forgive me” [as-Silsilah as-Sahiha]

4. -an-Nasa’i narrated that the Prophet PBUH was asked, “Who are the best of women?” HE said, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”

From the above Hadiths, we can sum up the characteristics of a good wife:

1–She is a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger PBUH .
2–She performs the five regular prayers and fasts Ramadhan.
3–She is obedient to her husband, unless he orders her to do evil.
4–She protects her husband’s money and honor in his absence.
5–She is always nice to her husband, checking on his needs.
6–She always tries to please and calm him if he is angry or upset.
7–She bears his children and does not ask him for divorce for no reason.
8–She tries to always look and smell nice for her spouse.

 

Advice for Women

Following is an advice to every Muslim woman that contains matters to avoid in order to have a good marriage.

1 — Avoid angering your husband. The Prophet PBUH mentioned that among the three that Allah does not accept their prayer are, “A wife who goes to sleep while her husband is angry with her.” [At-Tirmithi].

2 — Avoid harming your husband in any way, “If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: ‘Do not harm him, may Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us. [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi].

3 — Avoid being unappreciative or unthankful to your husband, “Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her.” [An-Nasaii].

4 – Do not ask your husband for divorce for no reason. The Prophet PBUH warned women who ask for divorce for no sound reason in his Hadith, “Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii].

5 — Do not obey your husband if he asks you to do prohibited matters, “Do not disobey the Creator to obey any human.” [Ahmad & Al-Hakim].

6 — Avoid voluntary fasting without your husband’s permission, unless he is absent, “A woman does (must) not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadhan.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]. This Hadith emphasizes the importance of the wife satisfying her husbands sexual needs. If the husband agrees, then the wife can do volunteer fasting, satisfied that she fulfilled her obligation towards ber husband.

7 — It is a major sin to deny your husband sexual pleasure. The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angles will curse her till the morning.” [Muslim]. Muslim men have no other means to satisfy them but through Their wives. Therefore, the very essence of marriage will be destroyed if men are denied this right by their wives.

8 – It is a major sin for husbands and wives to tell others what they do in bed. The Prophet described the ones who do that as, “A devil who meets a fe ale devil and has intercourse with her in public” [Ahmad].

9 — The Prophet PBUH ordered every Muslim woman not to let anyone into their houses, “Unless he (her husband) gives her permission.” [Al-Bukhari].

10 — Muslim women do not have the habit of going in and out of their houses without necessity. Allah SWT said, what translated means, “And stay in your houses” [33:33].

 

A Final Word

The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means “All of my nation (Ummah) will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” When he was asked to identify those who refuse, He PBUH said, “Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise, and whoever disobeys me will (be the one who) refuse.” [Al-Bukhari]. A good, righteous Muslim woman seeks the pleasure of Allah more than anything else. She tries her best to acquire the qualities of a good wife, found in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger PBUH. Total obedience to Allah and adherence to the Sunnah of His MessengerPBUH, is the most important of those qualities.

Allah hswt as decreed that the husband is the head of the Muslim family, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.” [4:34].

Ibn Katheer said, “The man is the woman’s protector, supervisor and head of the family”. To emphasize this even more, the Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If I were to order anyone to bow down (make Sujood) to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One Who owns the soul of Mohammad, if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad].

Ibn Taimiyah said in AI-Fatawa, “The righteous woman is the one who consistently obeys her husband. Her obligation to her husband come second only after her obligation to Allah swt .”

Therefore, every Muslim woman should seek to attain, in herself, the qualities of a good wife, by obeying Allah SWT and His Prophet PBUH, a path that will lead to entering paradise. Also, if Muslim wives implement these qualities, then their marriage will be full of happiness. The best of advice to every Muslim woman is to avoid the ways of the Kuffar. The Kuffar do not build their families on religion, but on their desires. They ignore the basic differences between men and women and treat them as equals in every regard. In Islam, men and women have different roles. More duties are assigned to men, while woman have more influence in the way their children are raised. A Muslim woman spends much more time with the children than her husband does. If families are not built on the way that Allah SWT ordained, then misery, and later, divorce, will be the result.

Allah swt will bless such a marriage where both the husband and the wife obey Him swt; and fulfill their obligations towards each other. He swt said, what translated means, “It is not for a believer man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger PBUH have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His MessengerPBUH, he has indeed strayed in a lain error!” [33:36].

Sayyedah Khadeejah PBUH, the wife of the Prophet PBUH, ranked high among the Muslim women of all time, This was a result of her unwavering support of her best of husbands. She PBUH believed in Him PBUH, offered Him PBUH emotional and financial support, and reassured Him PBUH in times of worry. Allah SWT has granted Her PBUH Paradise for this crucial role she played in the life of the Prophet PBUH, and hence, in the life of every Muslim.
The Prophet PBUH treasured Her PBUH memory and kept relations with Her friends long after Her death. Allah swt has granted her the position of being the mother of all the decedents of the Prophet of Allah swt. All Muslim women should benefit from the example of Sayyedah Khadeejah PBUH, that they may reach Her status among the righteous women in Paradise.

Adil Abdalla: Evilly driven women are destined for the Evilly driven men; as well as Evilly driven men are destined for the Evilly driven women – Divinely guided women are destined for the Divinely guided men, as well as Divinely guided men are destined for the Divinely guided women - These are forgiven for whatsoever they unintentionally and mistakenly said – They are rewarded by forgiveness and dignified earning (Rizq)..

P.S.; As per the Islamic authorities, there are two concepts to understand this verse.. 1st, addresses spouseship.. the 2nd addresses Quotes/Deeds associated with people.. Replace the subject words women or men by quotes or deeds, and read it again..

 

Other Various Interpretations:

Sahih International: Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are [subjected] to evil words. And good words are for good men, and good men are [an object] of good words. Those [good people] are declared innocent of what the slanderers say. For them is forgiveness and noble provision.

Pickthall: Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.

Yusuf Ali: Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.

Shakir: Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women

Muhammad Sarwar: Indecent woman are for indecent men and indecent men are for indecent woman. Decent women are for decent men and decent men are for decent women. The decent people are innocent of what people allege. They will receive mercy and honorable sustenance.

Mohsin Khan: Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) are innocent of (each and every) bad statement which they say, for them is Forgiveness, and Rizqun Karim (generous provision i.e. Paradise).

Arberry: Corrupt women for corrupt men, and corrupt men for corrupt women; good women for good men, and good men for good women — these are declared quit of what they say; theirs shall be forgiveness and generous provision.

Comments
  1. adilsud says:

    The following were addressed to a dear friend.. yet it is more beneficiary to share..

    I’m very sorry for the sorrow and the suffering of all abused persons..
    When a spouse is abusive, it is not that easy to make him or her to stop..
    P.S., Men represent 40% of the domestic abuse cases worldwide..!!

    This inhumane behavior is influenced of Bad Spirits on people..
    Bad Spirits (Shytan and his klan) had swear to Allah swt to dysfunction the righteous path..
    This can only happens by monopolizing of the spiritually-weak persons to cause hurt and harm to spiritually-moderate others..
    The only shield is obtained by adherence to Quran and Sunnah; in terms of governing the way we live, act and respond..

    Many visitors had hit this page of Muslim Wife..
    Wives had complained from abusive or neglecting husbands..
    I had made my intensive research and posted replies to meet each case..
    Trying to fill the gap between physical and spiritual practices of Islam..
    Some small deeds may look funny, but very effective, and meaningful for who knows..!

    I do not recommend any intervention with the faulty spouse.. They would turn more abusive..
    Just try hard the advices and the commandments, and keep repeating..
    Hold strong your trust of Allah swt.. and how close He swt is to you..
    Simply, He swt is however we envision Him swt.. Close or Distant.. Careful of Busy..!!

    The abusive spouse needs some body whom s/he respects; to advise..
    How it is import to be gentle to the family..
    If a spouse is not gentle, when old time comes, no one would serve him or her with water..
    Life is all about trading values and morals..

    O’ Fellow Muslim..
    When we die, our possessions and deeds will not shield us from the Grave-Hardship..
    No one had come back to life; to tall us what Grave-Hardship is..
    We have to trust the words of Allah swt and His Messenger PBUH.. on how real it is..

    Each of us need a family to make sincere Dau’a and Sadaqah for mercy, after our death..
    The more loving their prayers for us would be, the soft our Grave-Hardship will be..
    Strangers would feel sorry for our death, yet; sooner would forget and keep their own living..
    Only our spouses and family would keep remembering and praying for us..
    These prayers will shower our graves with water, bright and make-wider..
    Can you imagine what this means..?

    No wonder how many tears fill your eyes now…
    If not.. Your heart needs serious purification..!
    Easy done: Gear up, make wadu and strong intention for apology and forgiveness..
    Then offer couple of Rakaah with a grateful conscious heart..
    This is the glorious blessed start-up..

    May Allah swt bless you, your family and your loved ones..

    Like

  2. Affectedhusband says:

    I have been married to a very beautiful and lovely wife for more quite long time. After our 1st night when we made love, her menses started on the 2nd day and I refrained from going into her for over 8 days till she had her ghusal. She praised me for it when she was with her friends as u know how women are. In the beginning she was very good at love play but after our two children were born she would find excuse for not wanting sex. In the bedroom I always try to fulfill her desire too. In fact i want to follow a sunnah which I have read or heard some where that if u let ur wife have orgasm, its like u have done a ghaza. Now when I ask her forcefully does she allow me, once in a week to hold her to fulfill my desire for sex without letting me to go into her. She lets me in once in a month only.

    Her main problem is that she has a bad mouth due to which she starts an argument on very trivial matters which ends only when I threaten her. Then we stop talking for 3 to 8 days and it is I who initiates the dialogue. In order to have good and friendly atmosphere, I always try not to be serious most of the time and have fun with her and our children. Sometimes even when I am joking with her or the children she will start an argument which spoils the whole fun. Inspite of that she gets serious while I try to stay calm and she stops only when I admonish her. In our part of the world it is not considered manly who cannot straigten his wife without a divorce. Some times I ask ALLAH to let me have a long muswak to put her to her senses, but if I did many people would admonish me for raising hands on my wife.

    I always tell her that u area born Muslim only and I make Dua to give her guidance. I tell her sometimes that if u found out what the duties of a good wife are u will not sleep as u do now. I think these are kind of women on whom the angels curse till dawn.

    In narrating my story here is that the Muslimahs should know that there are women like my wife also who have no concern what so ever for their husbands but the husbands are putting up with them.

    May ALLAH guide her to the true Islam. Ameen

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Brother.. Salaam Allah.. with sincere Prayers and Dau’s for you..

      I do thank you for your bravery and insightfulness to share your story and bear the pain to uphold your family.. A true Man in an almost “Menless” world..

      Despite the loving motivations and deeds since the 1st day of your marriage, I could spot the small holes that grew and ruined your happiness and dreams..

      1st, you should not accept that your wife share your privacies with other women.. It may be a custom, but it violates the 1st commandment in Islamic marriage and wife’s duties; To keep the spousal privacies private.. Why? Such act would continue, with or without your knowledge and acceptance, and certainly will include both joyful and sad incidents.. While you can’t confirm how trustworthy or nobly her audience of friends or relatives are.. Turning your private life into materials for gossip and probably jokes is an implicit outcome of such gatherings..
      Yes, this had already happened many years ago, and also turned from an incident into a habit; which is hard to reverse..

      2nd, despite your attempts to take actions against inappropriate talks or deeds of your wife, I can confirm that your gentle and chivalry personality would reduce the affect you meant.. Yes, she responds, due to her core goodness, yet changes again, and again.. This would only confirm that her gossip circle are not that noble, nor religious enough to support..

      3rd, although no words mentioned on your (you and your wife) religious attendance, I can see relaxation, believing that piousness and attendance would shield the Muslim someway or another.. Whenever we turn our back to rituals, we exercise sort of false arrogance instead of the humbleness and helplessness a Muslim should present to his Almighty Creator swt..

      I’m sure that your wife has good substances despite her recent bad mouth or anger.. otherwise you would find your children echo her unwelcomed attitudes.. Goodness initially meet and tie the knot, then one or both would grow superficially deviating, which should be managed before transforming to be a cordially characteristic..

      So; what can be done..?

      I guess you need to continue your gentle glimpse to her, while indirectly attract her into female Muslim supporting groups around.. Accompany her to interesting activities to distant her from any negative affects.. Seek a specialist advise on how to revive your leadership and lovely beginning.. Change your social spectrum and bring halal excitement into your world.. Create occasions where some close Muslim families would share, then enjoy gathering prayers and religious chat; whereas Angles would gather around and purify your lives..

      The Prophet PBUH had said that we shall never deviate if we uphold Quran and Sunnah.. This is not a matter of rituals, but primarily confidence and resilience..

      Be Blessed and Pleased..

      Like

  3. Asalamualaikum! What if a wife do all that is mentioned for good wife should do. But still her husband call her bad , , smelley enemy of ALLAH in front of her children. Telling her any thing you done for me is wipe out. Because you make me angried. If one husband always said this statement am not happy with you .without ground only useless things. We the wife sake for divious because you can’t marry to a husband who want you to be perfect. Even if he do some things wrong he blame. You always try to do things to make him happy. If make a surprise just make a special meal for him. If he came started screaming what is spelling here. Take your smelling food you don’t respect me that is why you cooked this meal at the end you have no confidence in yourself you always think you are bad woman. What advice should you give me.

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    • adilsud says:

      Dear Mariama Samateh; Salaam Allah, Mercy and Blessings for you..

      I can sincerely feel your pain and hurt.. and confusion on what else would you do to make life normally happier and comfortable.. It seems that you had tried all, and scarified everything for you husband and children, tried to ignore the pain and pursue all what a good Muslim wife would do.. On parallel, your greatest fear is to get any of your families or friends to know what’s happening, as it would create more pain and hurt.. not reconciliation and comfort..
      Regretfully, this became a typical agony of most Muslim wives..

      Certainly, we experience more chaos our parents and ancestors did not have.. Their lives were much simpler, more honorable and less demanding.. The universe was likely more balanced and integrated than what we have today..

      Yet, we have to strongly and unshakably hold our faith.. Not because there is no easy solution for this ongoing dilemma, but because life is only transitional phase in our creation legacy.. We bear the pains and hurt because Allah swt had promised us to reward who are patient, striving and resilient for the great cause to worship, obey and honor our Mighty Creator swt..

      Dear Sister,
      keep your faith and trust that Allah swt will turn siuch misery into happiness at a point of time.. Keep your Dau’ for your path to be protected from evil touches, and you family from evil confusions and your Husband from his self’ insinuations.. Never stop telling Allah swt how weak, unhappy and hurt you are.. Whisper to Him swt with your fears and dreams.. Keep speaking to Him swt.. We all miss this great hint to keep talking to Allah swt.. He swt like hearing us as well..
      When you make your Dau'; consciously believe it will be heard, and replied, inshaallah

      Be blessed and Pleased
      Adil

      Like

  4. Sarah says:

    Yeah it truly is funny how issues similar to this one begin looking ridiculously insignificant when compared to the world news. The next section of the cold-war, the actual actual war that erupts, Russia-China fuel offer axis… Yet here we’re with our socialmedia difficulties, – can we ever see the world has improved? I’m not stating what you reveal is unimportant, Iam saying a certain amount of detachment is balanced. Thanks, Sarah @ http://phyto-renew350e.com/

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Sarah; Salaam Allah
      Yes, what we are discussing here is unimportant for who have no personal issues that hinder her or him for active participation in world affairs.. Yet, a person without a clear mind and relaxed soul will never be an asset in such matters.. The ancient used to say: huge blazes are ignited by small insignificant sparks..
      Therefore, such small personal matters are the entire universe for whomever deals with.. Hoping that most of us will be free from any nagging minors to contribute to the bigger pictures..

      You are most welcomed at: http://adilsud.blogspot.ae/
      Be Blessed
      Adil

      Like

  5. All the characteristics which are mentioned above are very nice and every Muslimah should know about them to be a good wife.

    Like

  6. sara says:

    please response to my comment. . most of the time im getting confused and stressed

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Sara… Salaam Allah..
      Thanks for your trust and question.. Prayers to Allah swt to enlighten us towards a righteous solution..
      Kindly accept my apology for the delayed response; as I’m not 100% dedicated online, due to earning living..

      Notably, The Prophet PBUH did not condemn the wife’s jealousy.. On the contrary; when the famous incident of Sayyadah Aisha took place; He had gently provided a lesson on self control and how to abide to fairness and equality among His wives PBUT..

      Yes, there was no other significant heritage of incidents related to jealousy, therefore, we have to establish a rationale to address the matter.. This is not a short or pitfall in Islamic faith, but convenience to a matter that is related to different times, places and cultures..

      My typical start is about the self shield from touches and fool plays by Iblees; who has sustainable voluntary mission to disturb the lives of the believers.. He influences us by all expected and unexpected means to engulf in issues, conflicts and hurdles that would block our endeavors for peaceful worship and blessings.. Therefore, keeping your wad’oo, prayers, Quran reciting are the key things that each Muslimah and Muslim should maintain throughout their times, as much as possible.. These are the principle “Guardians” for our peace and comfort..

      Dear Sisiter..
      Jealousy is normal and praised behavior of mankind, which some modern trends had wrongly called as outdated and unacceptable.. This deviation had resulted in the increase of illegitimate affairs, broken matrimonies and extreme materialism.. Today, these societies are coming back for extreme conservatism and/or chaotic livelihood..
      Therefore, do not condemn your own feelings, which any man would love to have at his wife.. Certainly men like the jealousy wife, yet never admit or tell..!!

      Excessive Jealousy usually interprets past experiences; that had seeded shaken self confidence, social skeptics, and possession assurance.. Yes, none of us is responsible about what had developed in our personalities during the up-bringing and growing, yet while getting mature, we should apply self critic and seek professional solutions for our inconveniences..
      This is exactly what you had done; seeking help for others.. Therefore you are on the right track.. The only thing that such self coaching and support can not perform remotely, as the direct contact with the healer would make 50% of the success.. Therefore, I would recommend seeking this help from a an entrusted professional or expert..

      You may try to apply my self-shield recommendations, while assure to your self that you are not doing something wrong.. It is all normal to love and feel jealous about your man..

      On parallel, gradually share your feelings with your husband.. He holds key solutions by considering your feelings.. At the end, what’s ever you feel and do is resulted from love, and closeness, which is perfectly great, normal and Islamic..

      If all did not work, you may seek that professional assistance, which is easy and simple to achieve lasting results..

      Remember, always ask Allah swt to help you to be a better Muslimah, which He swt would listen to and award inshaallah..

      Be Blessed
      Adil

      Like

      • sara says:

        jazakallahukhairan for your reply. . yes you are right , im trying to control my self and im seeking help from Allah swt.

        Like

  7. sara says:

    salam. . i want to be good wife to my hubby and he also same with me and he is the best person where i never ever found him like him. . but the problem is if he is talking with any other girls for a need or if any other girls wants to talk with him for a reason, im getting jealousy. . i dont know why i behave like this :((. . please solve my problem

    Like

  8. Saaniya says:

    will i be cursed if i refuse sex with my husband who comes home addicted heavily to drugs. i cant have sex with him when he is like that. what can i do?

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Saaniya…
      Thanks for your trust and query
      Yes, wives are generally obliged to satisfy the intimate needs of their husbands.. The verdict did not include exclusions or conditions.. Certainly; this creates lots of moral stress and psychological inconveniences for most of the Muslim women…

      There is two issues to address the matter:

      The 1st; Any Islamic verdicts are conditioned by Muslim Eligibility.. meaning; to maintain mental, maturity and fitness to exercise Islam.. Whenever a person deliberately loses self control. consciousness or mental health, s/he is giving away the privileges granted as a Muslim; and blocks blessings and Rizq to reach.. This is the battle preachers are entrusted for; to keep the Muslims (men and women) sober and fit for Islam.. Regretfully, much of such efforts are not fruitful for various reasons, therefore, lost of Muslims deviate from the righteous path and goals..

      The 2nd; The female endeavor in Islam is widely mysterious; which had confused many Muslims and will continue doing so.. It is mysterious as Muslim women are requested to unconditionally nurture their husbands; while been regarded precious in Muslim lives; which men have to care for, gentle with and protect.. Muslim men are generally and practically trapped in such paradox.. On the other hand, regretfully; they will continue doing so, as interpreting Islam as a way of life is challenged with unqualified preachers and short sighted speakers and leaders..

      Therefore, It is important to relief your own self for the feel of guilt, which would hurt your Muslim faith, openness and free spirit.. You are a great Muslim women, who has live and active soul and consciousness; which is rare now-a-days..

      However, I would recommend to continue your duties as a wife, despite how uneasy to feel the intimacy in such situations.. The great thing about women is their ability to scarify for the greater esteems.. Just keep reminding your own self, with full faith; that you are doing what is needed to please Allah swt and seek His strength, blessing and forgiveness.. Certainly; Allah swt will intervene in His own way.. Trust this..!

      On parallel, try to seek support from the close ones (with enough cautions) to help your husband to quit his awful habits.. Whenever a wrongdoing is fully exposed as religiously sinful and unacceptable; the addicted person would quit; subject for calm, smooth and gradual approaches..

      As generally advised; maintain and keep your prayers, Quran recites and Wado’ to shield your self and your family from the devilish touches and plots..

      Be Blessed
      Adil

      Like

  9. Oduntan olalekan says:

    What is Islam point of view by saying “MA SALAM”

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    • adilsud says:

      Islam is the true religion of peace.. not only by recommending peace approaches and reconciliations, but also by customs and habits.. It was one of the early guidance of Islam to greet the people by Peace call; As’salam Alikum wa-Rahmatu-Allah wa Barakatouh (Peace upon You; with Allah’s Mercy and Blessings), and also to leave them with the same..

      The Arabic phrase Ma-Salamah means (May Safety Accompany You); which had been reduced to (Ma-Salam or Ma-Salem or Salaam or Salem) which had resulted from urban lives and different linguistics; is used to convey the same wishful prayer..

      Islam values the intentions as much as the physical act.. yet, people can’t read intentions nor judge.. I guess that both expressions will convey the message of peace, but the authentic one includes a prayer to Allah swt to shower the gathering with peace..

      It is up to your appetite to use any, as far as feel adherence to Allah’s righteous path..

      Be Blessed

      Like

  10. shaik says:

    yestarday i faught with my wife i angered on she too shown angry shaitan created huge fight finally i said i will go out she said no stay here only..after that i cried lot and she also cried then i said shaitan creating problem i will go out she said if u go i will die..she created one plan also to die…i dont know why she thinked like that then i said sorry she also said sorry finally problem solved but i want to know why for small things she decided to die….i got marry one month and half month back only pls suggest me what o do to take this thoughts from her i am 100 islam follower she also good girl but she will behave differently when we fight…

    Like

    • Raqeeb says:

      Dear friend, may Allah continue to give you since of reasoning, firstly i an happy you have a wife who loves you, as you just got married, she’ll always want to see you around her, I want you to know that both of you are from different families with different background, idea, upbringing, so it’ll be a little bit difficult to adjust to each other way of life, but it just a matter of time. as for you, always tell her year u love her, now you are everything to her, husband, brother, father, companion, so she want to see everything she want in you. now that you’re married, spend more time with her than your friends. May the peace of Allah be upon your home.

      Liked by 1 person

      • adilsud says:

        Dear Friends.. I’m very happy and thankful for the reply put by Raqeeb; which tells how mature and open sighted he is.. Mashaallah.. I need to add a small thing here..
        Today’s culture had materialized almost everything in our lives.. which is quite different from the standard one that Islam had promoted for..
        In addition for showing your gratitude and love, in all possible means and ways.. It is also recommended to maintain basic Islamic codes that would prevent or minimize the evil deeds from spoiling your lives..
        Pls always remember, that Satan had promised with the powers of Allah’s Glory and Pride swt; to disturb and destruct our belief and obedience.. The more you are a Muslim, the more you might be troubled by this evil promise.. Yet, you are not left powerless..!!
        Allah swt had promise the believers how keep Him swt in their consciousness and realization; will be shield from Satan.. Also, Raspoul Allah PBUH had recommended seeking ways to shield our selves by simple rituals and actions..
        1. Maintain your prayers..
        2. Keep on your wadu..
        3. Mention Allah swt whenever enter, wear, use or do anything, even touching your lovely wife.. saying Bism-Ellah
        4. Seeking Allah’s shield swt, whenever confront unpleasant, discomfortable or bad thing or act.. Saying A’oz-bi-Ellah
        5. Maintain your trust and confidence that Allah swt will empower you, shield you and ease your way of life, inshaallah
        Certainly, share the same with your wife.. and as Raqeeb said.. Love her more and more..
        Be Blessed

        Like

  11. Rose says:

    What to do when husband constantly threatening to leave. Abusive, physically and verbally. Does not like me being praised by others. Always wants to find faults in me. Tells me I am ugly, useless, lazy, fat, stupid etc.. What I believe I am is a practising Muslim with three beautiful daughters and a son, who study hard and get top marks at school are always clean neat and tidy and treat everyone with respect. We’re am I going wrong?

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Sister.. May Allah swt shower your life with mercy, blessings and happiness…

      Today’s world is further tough, rough and seducing.. We all fight the odds to maintain our own peace and comfort.. We all fight to maintain our own sanity while life is hacked by various elements of consumption, dissatisfaction and intolerance.. However, we have to live it, and fight back for all the goodness we dream about..
      I’m almost certain that no one would like to be harsh or abusive, but the various stresses and harassment ignite unnecessary fights and heat in each household.. in each work place..

      I’m sure that your husband is one of those sincere men who try to balance their earnings with the family demands and securities.. Certainly, he pays lots of efforts not only to maintain his work life, but also to maintain the sustainability of his family.. This is something that accumulated and increased during your years of marriage.. This increases with kids growing up, self energy declining and urban threats growing alike mushrooms..

      The traditional manly behavior would not allow him to share his worries with you.. which adds to his agony..
      usually, domestic abuse is a sign of weakness rather a proof of superiority..

      I’m sure that you spare no effort or chance to show your love and care for him.. I’m sure that your household is a great one with comfort and pleasure.. I’m sure you try to look feminine and pretty whenever an occasion occur.. I’m sure how your decent manners, as well as your kids are lovely and appealing.. Therefore, I can’t find any more physical action to do..

      Only you may try to get to know more about your husband’s work and business.. NOT to use that to chat with him, but to understand what stresses and pressures he is exposed to.. This will gradually build invisible communications channel..

      Therefore; you are only advised to maintain some rituals to bring further divine blessings and comfort into your life..

      1. Maintain your prayers..
      2. Always keep on your wadu..
      3. Mention Allah swt whenever enter, wear, use or do anything, even touching your lovely wife.. saying Bism-Ellah
      4. Seeking Allah’s shield swt, whenever confront unpleasant, discomfortable or bad thing or act.. Saying A’oz-bi-Ellah
      5. Maintain your trust and confidence that Allah swt will empower you, shield you and ease your way of life, inshaallah

      Be Blessed

      Like

    • Zeynab says:

      Assalamuwalaykum,
      I want to say that the article and most of the replies on this site are completely biased! According to you, no matter what the scenario, the wife must be doing something wrong and she must change her ways. There’s not much on here about how a husband should treat his wife. Your mentality is especially visible by your repeated use of the word ‘command’. A marriage is a partnership and both partners have different roles, but in no way is a wife a slave to her husband like you make it sound. Furthermore, there are several hadiths which cover the topic of abuse or beating of wives and it is actually even grounds for divorce, but you didn’t mention any of this to ‘Rose’.
      I appreciate what you are trying to do, but you really shouldn’t be giving out advice if you aren’t going to be impartial!
      P.s.
      Rose, if he is being physically abusive, especially in front of the kids, I would definitely advise for you to take action. If talking to him directly isn’t an option(often isn’t in this situation), maybe approach a local imam or a family elder for advice or counselling.
      Insha’allah I will also make dua’a for you.

      Like

      • adilsud says:

        Dear Zeynab;
        Salaam Allah.. Thanks for your review and critics..
        Without healthy dialogue, debates and critics, the knowledge will decline, and the path would be substantially void..

        However, I need to hi-light two things..
        1st, apparently you did not carefully browse this site, to find where I do stand or advocate, particularly in the gender issue. I’d appreciate your observations on the whole contents not only “Muslim Wife” page..

        2nd, This article is attracting lots of female comments, which are encouraged by the author signature (KashmiriGirl); who I did not know, but found her 1998 article simple; at the time when I had assembled this web site.. However, her web link is there for whoever wants to communicate, debate of criticize..

        My responses to the queries are coming from intellectual background rather than doctrine or enthusiasm.. My academic and professional being are far from the usual pitfalls of Imams or Scholars, who are mostly narrow sighted and politically driven..

        Yes, I am biased whenever it comes to the “Righteous Islam”; which denounces Sectarian divides, Intellectual red-tapes and Misalignment to Epistemia.. Therefore, there is no issue can not be discussed, debated or shared, except the Being of The Creator swt.. The whole site is about the controversial intellectual issues..

        Coming to Rose’s case;
        I can’t fuse or inflame the matrimony, knowing that there are many unspoken issues which tie the true knot between a wife and a husband.. I do answer a wife whenever she asks, and same to a husband.. The other contents of the site would help each to figure out how perfectly to perform their duties.. I always try to establish a ground for reconciliation and closeness, not only by psychology or religious recommendations, but also with interpretation of simple things that truly affect our wellbeing; from Islamic and Sufi points of view..

        Thanks again, and be Blessed
        Adil
        PhD, MSc, BA Arch, ICOMOS, PMI, AACE, PR2, ets…!!

        Like

  12. I had a problem with my boyfriend six months ago,which lead to us apart.
    When he broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside
    sorry.Until a friend of mine told me about one of her spells that helped in
    same problem too. i email the spells and I told him my problem
    and I did what he asked me to briefly make. the long story Before I knew it
    what happened,not 48 hours,my friend gave me a call and he
    come back to me and told me he was sorry about what was going to happen, I’m so
    grateful to these spells and will not stop publishing his name on the internet
    just for the good work he has doing.If you need his help,you can email him,he can cast any spell of your choice at
    and he will also help you to
    I will be forever grateful to you.

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear One;
      Casting spells is not Islamic, nor cultured as well..
      Casting spells is either forcing people against their independent will.. or divert their attentions to elements they had missed..
      In both; it may granted the actions to follow the desires of the performer rather than the subject another..
      I had removed the contacts of your advisor, yet who would be interested would contact you directly..

      Like

  13. Mia says:

    In above you mentioned that Prophet (S.A.W) said among your women that will go to heaven are those who are…, bear children and…

    So u mean to say that women who don’t bear children won’t go to heaven?

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Mia;
      Salaam Allah..
      Thanks a lot for your comment..
      Despite the fact that the entire article was not mine; but copied with the link is provided.. However, I read it as various conditions, not details of a single condition..
      This comes within the fact that there are five matters, which a human being has no say or control of: Birth, Death, Marriage, Children and Earnings (Rizq)
      None of us determines any birth; his own or others..
      None of us determines his own (natural) death or others..
      None of us determines whom s/he will eventually marries..
      None of us determines having kids or not..
      None of us determines the context of earnings or Rizq..
      These all are already proven facts of life..
      How many notable Muslim pious women were not mothers.. Starting with Sayedah Aisha PBUH..
      Anyways, the sole conditions for Heaven is faithfully believing and sincerely worshiping Allah swt..
      Similarly, Heaven has various ranks whereas each is conditioned with particular criteria.. following a rule of rewarding as per eligibilities..
      May Allah swt reward you with the highest rank of Heaven.. Ameen

      Like

  14. Fred says:

    I love islam

    Like

  15. Don says:

    Some very interesting thoughts. Do you think all religions can co-exist in peace in a NUCLEAR AGE???

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Religions are routes towards the sought Al-Mighty Creator.. Co-existence among religion is to agree on principle of creation, yet disagree on details.. Nuclear Age is just another phase of our Humane Civilization..
      Linking all would suggest that maturity of religious belief would enable reconciliation among religion to turn the Nuclear powers into progressive tool for sustainable civilization..
      On the contrary; immaturity creates fanatics and radicalism; which deforms the concept of Almighty Creator, and accelerate disagreements into hatred and armed fights, using the Nuclear powers to eliminate the human civilization.. and race..!!

      Like

  16. Taofikah bint sidiq says:

    May Allah be with you,I pray that this tips and knowledge you share sinks in our hearts as we are reading to learn and I pray that Allah accept ur act as ibadah for the prophet said”we should share our physical and mental ideas”Alhamdulillah wa jazakhallahu kahyran.ma salam

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Salaam Allah.. Ramadhan Kareem..

      Thank you dear sister for the compliment and dauaa.. May Allah swt bliss us in these blessed times.. Ameen

      Like

  17. vimlesh0 says:

    Thanks for sharing the famous stories about it. I enjoyed reading as well as learned too.
    muslim marriage solutions

    Like

  18. adilsud says:

    Qualities of a Good Muslim Wife

    http://islamicvoice.com/january.99/women.htm

    From the viewpoint of Islam, a good wife is considered to be the best thing in the world. This accords her a special position, and places responsibility on the husband to treat her according to this elevated position. The role of the wife in the marriage is extremely important, indeed it is the decisive factor.

    Wives must do their best to keep their husbands pleased with them. The ideal wife combines in herself three merits; she pleases her husband when he sees her, by taking care to appear beautiful before him; she obeys him when he gives a command; she does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property.

    To refuse to go with her husband when he calls her to bed is a grave mistake that a wife must avoid.

    When a wife intends to fast voluntarily, she may do so only with her husband’s permission. If she does not receive his permission, then he has the right to make her break her fast when she is observing it. The reason for this is that he might wish to exercise his conjugal rights with her, which he cannot do if she is fasting with his permission.

    It is a wife’s duty not to allow anyone, that her husband does not want, to enter the house without his permission. She may not give anything away of her husband’s property without his permission. She should avoid asking a husband for extra money, or for that which he does not possess and cannot provide, and she should show gratitude for whatever is given.

    A good wife is one who is true to her husband’s word if he adjures her to do something. On a husband’s return home, a wife should receive him kindly and meet him with a good and beautiful appearance. She should try not to neglect her husband’s needs nor ignore his demands. The more a wife takes care of her husband, the more she will be loved. Most husbands consider their wives care of them as an expression of their love.

    A wife should discuss family problems with her husband to alleviate any later problems or misunderstandings. It is for her to hold her husband’s close relatives in respect and treat them kindly, which is a mark of respect and honour for the husband.

    Leaving the house frequently is a bad habit for a woman. She should also not leave the house if her husband objects to her doing so. She does not have the right to lend anything of her husband’s property against his wishes. However, she can lend from her own property.

    If a husband’s friends enquire about him, a wife should answer them but without indulging in lengthy conversation. Too many arguments and disputes with a husband, heaping abuse on him, leads, in fact, to hatred and deterioration of the relationship. Taking care of the house and running the household are the wife’s responsibility.

    If the husband gives his wife permission to go out to work, this should not be seen as a licence to equality. In fact, the issue of also producing income to the households is something which might later act as a dividing factor between husband and wife. If the wife works outside the house, her income is entirely hers to do with, as she pleases. Her husband has no right over it. If she prefers not to work, she must be satisfied with the level of comforts her husband can provide on his income and not pose unreasonable demands on him.

    A wife may not give alms from her husband’s property without his permission. Speaking to or telling others about sexual matters between a husband and wife is a grave sin in Islam. This applies to both parties. She should not be afraid to express her love and affection for her husband. It will please him and bind him closer to the family; Moreover, if he does not find an attractive, loving woman at home, he may be driven for solace elsewhere, outside the home.

    Leadership in the family is given to the husband. For the wife to demand complete and full equality with her husband will result in having two masters in the family and this does not exist in Islam. However, the husband should not behave in an autocratic manner and misuse his position. He should display love and affection and treat his wife as a partner in life. Marriage is a partnership of love, trust and mutual respect between two people. Its foundations are solidly established by Islam and exists as a sanctified castle, so to speak.

    We have listed here the many and varied duties and acts of commission as well as omission by the wife. This does not imply that the husband has no reciprocal duties and obligations. On the contrary, his function within the marriage bond is equally important. However, one should bear in mind that marriage means understanding and behaving tenderly towards one’s partner. It is a partnership of give and take. (Courtesy Islamic Future)

    Like

    • Nadia says:

      Thank you so much for this. I have gone to so many other sites detailing the rights a man has over his wive, and her obligations to him, but never mentioning the fact that marriage itself is a partnership based on trust and the love of Allah. All those other sites I looked at forgot to mention the obligations a man must fulfil for his wive. There was never any mention of what a man must do to please his wive, and in return, to please Allah and to be saved from the fires of hell. They made marriage sound like something to be avoided because there are so many things a woman can to do displease her husband, and which can send her into the fires of hell. That the same is true for men is not usually mentioned. So thank you for mentioning that marriage is a partnership based on mutual trust and respect.

      Like

  19. adilsud says:

    How to Preserve the Muslim Family

    http://islamicvoice.com/january.99/women.htm

    Muslim families are at the crossroads today. The Western model is not a suitable pattern for the family life. Its style of family life has resulted in conjugal infidelity, large scale marriage breakdown, high rates of divorces, separations, broken homes, alcoholism, drug addiction, libertinism and the like.

    Those who blindly mimic Western model, exploit their women to such an extent that the latter are made mere sex objectives. The only solution to the Muslim family’s predicament is maintenance of Islamic family values. Islam builds the family on solid grounds, which are capable of providing continuity, security, mutual love and intimacy.

    With a view to making the foundations of the family strong and natural, Islam not only recognizes but also lays emphasis on marriage, which is a wholesome pattern of lawful intimacy harmoniously blended with decency, morality and gratification.

    Marriage and the family are the focal point in the Islamic system. There are many verses in the Qur’an and many statements of the Prophet (Pbuh), which declare marriage to be a moral safeguard and a religio-social commitment. For example, in the Surah Nissa, Allah calls upon mankind to be dutiful to Him, who created them from it, created its mate and from the two of them scattered abroad many men and women.

    The Qur’an says that Allah has created for you from among yourselves mates to seek mutual love and mercy. The Noble Prophet (Pbuh) is reported to have said: “Marriage is my Sunnah; who so violates my Sunnah is not one among us.”

    The aim of the Muslim family must be worship of Allah, as marriage is considered to be yet another form of Ibadah. If the aim of the family is carnal satisfaction or worldly gains, then the family institution fails miserably.

    The responsibility of the family does not revolve solely on the husband or the wife or on children or grand-children. It is a collective responsibility on all of them together and even beyond that to the previous generation of grand-parents.

    A family can be a Muslim family, only if parents behave correctly and follow the Sunnah. If they do not live in accordance with the Sunnah, they have no right to hope or expect their children to be good Muslims. As you sow, so you reap.

    Cultivation of Islamic values is essential in a Muslim family and they should not only be cultivated but also nurtured. Our likes and dislikes, our conception of nice and vulgar, good and neat and chaotic, etc., must be in conformity with the Sunnah, for the Prophet (Pbuh) is reported to have said: “The one among you does not believe unless his own desires and likings are in conformity with what I have brought.” Remember this applies to personal habits, dress, food manners, etc.,

    For the preservation and maintenance of the Muslim family there must be instilled in its members a strong sense of belonging to the Muslim Ummah. The family is not an individual entity; it is a social aspect and so must be strengthened.

    A Muslim family must socialize with other Muslim families. Parents must, no doubt, avoid corrupt people and refrain from socializing in sick environment and also see to it that their children avoid corrupt people and refrain from socializing in sick environments.

    At the same time, they must provide better alternatives and there can be no better alternative then befriending good Muslims, especially Ulemas.

    These are some ways of promoting and preserving the Muslim family. In conclusion, I fervently appeal to my fellow-religionists to remain continuously conscious and creative about the Islamic aspects. Educated Muslims must apply the Islamic concepts; “think”, contemplate”, “look”, “realize”, “know”, “become wise”, “reason”, etc., on the Muslim society, and help in transformation of the Qur’anic and Prophetic concepts of the family into our daily life.

    Like

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