The following article should be read with the other one addressed to “Muslim Husband” as well as all other posts about Marriage.. This is to avoid exaggerating the role of one spouse over the other, nor to down grade the contribution of a spouse for the other.. Marriage is a sacred social formation; not only in Islam but in all religions and faiths.. Without the correct attention and participation, such a bond will not last, or will require a heavy price from both parties; and their kids as well.. In the failed marriage, all parties lose..
I had noticed the unjust attitudes of most husbands, which are simply deviation from the cores of Islam, and the righteous guidance of his Prophet PBUH.. We need to admit that we lack lots of the true essences and knowledge of Islam, due to translation, illiteracy and media confusion.. Then we shall collectively strive to understand more and carefully implement the correct behavior and habits..
Our unqualified Imams had already ruined many generations, and indirectly seeded extremism and domestic abuse, by ill-interpreted Quran verses and Hadith.. The famous quest of 4/34 on beating women is just scandalous example of moral fragmentation and disassembly.. The speed of social changes beats the capability of most preachers to accommodate reasonable and acceptable elaborations and understanding..
Marriage, in any religion; is practically build on love.. and the moral bravery to express love..
Sep 29, 1998
The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means “This life is a joy and its best joy is a good wife” [Muslim], also, “A women is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her (adherence to) religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win” [Bukbari & Muslim] and, “Four are causes of happiness,: A good wife, a big house, a good neighbor and a good way of transportation” [Al-Hakim].
The above Hadiths emphasize the importance of marrying a good Muslim woman. This is why Muslim men should always seek such women to be happy in this life. Following are some of the characteristics of a good wife:
1. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husband’s property, etc). [4:34]. Ibn Katheer said, “Ibn Abbas said, ‘The righteous women are obedient to their husbands (Qanitaat). Also ibn Katheer said, “Imam Suddi said, ‘They (good wives) protect their husbands’ honor and money in their absence.”‘
2. Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadhan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors.
3. The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “Your women who will enter Paradise are those nice to their husbands, who bear children, and those who keep checking the needs of their husbands. If her husband gets angry with her, she would hold his hand and say : “By Allah, I will not sleep until you forgive me” [as-Silsilah as-Sahiha]
4. -an-Nasa’i narrated that the Prophet PBUH was asked, “Who are the best of women?” HE said, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”
From the above Hadiths, we can sum up the characteristics of a good wife:
1–She is a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger PBUH .
2–She performs the five regular prayers and fasts Ramadhan.
3–She is obedient to her husband, unless he orders her to do evil.
4–She protects her husband’s money and honor in his absence.
5–She is always nice to her husband, checking on his needs.
6–She always tries to please and calm him if he is angry or upset.
7–She bears his children and does not ask him for divorce for no reason.
8–She tries to always look and smell nice for her spouse.
Advice for Women
Following is an advice to every Muslim woman that contains matters to avoid in order to have a good marriage.
1 — Avoid angering your husband. The Prophet PBUH mentioned that among the three that Allah does not accept their prayer are, “A wife who goes to sleep while her husband is angry with her.” [At-Tirmithi].
2 — Avoid harming your husband in any way, “If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: ‘Do not harm him, may Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.‘ [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi].
3 — Avoid being unappreciative or unthankful to your husband, “Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her.” [An-Nasaii].
4 – Do not ask your husband for divorce for no reason. The Prophet PBUH warned women who ask for divorce for no sound reason in his Hadith, “Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii].
5 — Do not obey your husband if he asks you to do prohibited matters, “Do not disobey the Creator to obey any human.” [Ahmad & Al-Hakim].
6 — Avoid voluntary fasting without your husband’s permission, unless he is absent, “A woman does (must) not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadhan.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]. This Hadith emphasizes the importance of the wife satisfying her husbands sexual needs. If the husband agrees, then the wife can do volunteer fasting, satisfied that she fulfilled her obligation towards ber husband.
7 — It is a major sin to deny your husband sexual pleasure. The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angles will curse her till the morning.” [Muslim]. Muslim men have no other means to satisfy them but through Their wives. Therefore, the very essence of marriage will be destroyed if men are denied this right by their wives.
8 – It is a major sin for husbands and wives to tell others what they do in bed. The Prophet described the ones who do that as, “A devil who meets a fe ale devil and has intercourse with her in public” [Ahmad].
9 — The Prophet PBUH ordered every Muslim woman not to let anyone into their houses, “Unless he (her husband) gives her permission.” [Al-Bukhari].
10 — Muslim women do not have the habit of going in and out of their houses without necessity. Allah SWT said, what translated means, “And stay in your houses” [33:33].
A Final Word
The Prophet PBUH said, what translated means “All of my nation (Ummah) will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” When he was asked to identify those who refuse, He PBUH said, “Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise, and whoever disobeys me will (be the one who) refuse.” [Al-Bukhari]. A good, righteous Muslim woman seeks the pleasure of Allah more than anything else. She tries her best to acquire the qualities of a good wife, found in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger PBUH. Total obedience to Allah and adherence to the Sunnah of His MessengerPBUH, is the most important of those qualities.
Allah hswt as decreed that the husband is the head of the Muslim family, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.” [4:34].
Ibn Katheer said, “The man is the woman’s protector, supervisor and head of the family”. To emphasize this even more, the Prophet PBUH said, what translated means, “If I were to order anyone to bow down (make Sujood) to other than Allah, I would order the wife to do so for her husband. By the One Who owns the soul of Mohammad, if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad].
Ibn Taimiyah said in AI-Fatawa, “The righteous woman is the one who consistently obeys her husband. Her obligation to her husband come second only after her obligation to Allah swt .”
Therefore, every Muslim woman should seek to attain, in herself, the qualities of a good wife, by obeying Allah SWT and His Prophet PBUH, a path that will lead to entering paradise. Also, if Muslim wives implement these qualities, then their marriage will be full of happiness. The best of advice to every Muslim woman is to avoid the ways of the Kuffar. The Kuffar do not build their families on religion, but on their desires. They ignore the basic differences between men and women and treat them as equals in every regard. In Islam, men and women have different roles. More duties are assigned to men, while woman have more influence in the way their children are raised. A Muslim woman spends much more time with the children than her husband does. If families are not built on the way that Allah SWT ordained, then misery, and later, divorce, will be the result.
Allah swt will bless such a marriage where both the husband and the wife obey Him swt; and fulfill their obligations towards each other. He swt said, what translated means, “It is not for a believer man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger PBUH have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His MessengerPBUH, he has indeed strayed in a lain error!” [33:36].
Sayyedah Khadeejah PBUH, the wife of the Prophet PBUH, ranked high among the Muslim women of all time, This was a result of her unwavering support of her best of husbands. She PBUH believed in Him PBUH, offered Him PBUH emotional and financial support, and reassured Him PBUH in times of worry. Allah SWT has granted Her PBUH Paradise for this crucial role she played in the life of the Prophet PBUH, and hence, in the life of every Muslim.
The Prophet PBUH treasured Her PBUH memory and kept relations with Her friends long after Her death. Allah swt has granted her the position of being the mother of all the decedents of the Prophet of Allah swt. All Muslim women should benefit from the example of Sayyedah Khadeejah PBUH, that they may reach Her status among the righteous women in Paradise.
Adil Abdalla: Evilly driven women are destined for the Evilly driven men; as well as Evilly driven men are destined for the Evilly driven women – Divinely guided women are destined for the Divinely guided men, as well as Divinely guided men are destined for the Divinely guided women - These are forgiven for whatsoever they unintentionally and mistakenly said – They are rewarded by forgiveness and dignified earning (Rizq)..
P.S.; As per the Islamic authorities, there are two concepts to understand this verse.. 1st, addresses spouseship.. the 2nd addresses Quotes/Deeds associated with people.. Replace the subject words women or men by quotes or deeds, and read it again..
Other Various Interpretations:
Sahih International: Evil words are for evil men, and evil men are [subjected] to evil words. And good words are for good men, and good men are [an object] of good words. Those [good people] are declared innocent of what the slanderers say. For them is forgiveness and noble provision.
Pickthall: Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.
Yusuf Ali: Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honourable.
Shakir: Bad women are for bad men and bad men are for bad women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women
Muhammad Sarwar: Indecent woman are for indecent men and indecent men are for indecent woman. Decent women are for decent men and decent men are for decent women. The decent people are innocent of what people allege. They will receive mercy and honorable sustenance.
Mohsin Khan: Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) are innocent of (each and every) bad statement which they say, for them is Forgiveness, and Rizqun Karim (generous provision i.e. Paradise).
Arberry: Corrupt women for corrupt men, and corrupt men for corrupt women; good women for good men, and good men for good women — these are declared quit of what they say; theirs shall be forgiveness and generous provision.