Muslim Husband

 

Regretfully, most my fellow-men are causing great harm to themselves, spouses and children as well.. Their harsh and abusive attitude and wrongly guided habits are damaging the Muslim societies and nation as well.. Husbands by default are the leaders and guardians of their families.. They are accountable for the success or failure of their families.. They cause both sorrow and happiness of their wives and children.. They are the ones to stand on the Day of Judgment to defend their actions and extended implications..

Are You Ready..?

Let me cut it short..
A Husband should be: Bread-earner, Mature, Well-behaved and Have fair true knowledge of Islam

A Husband should NOT be: Irreligious, Abusive (physically or verbally), Immature and Sourceless

——————————————–

 

5 Secrets Of A Successful Muslim Husband

http://theauthenticbase.wordpress.com/2010/02/19/5-secrets-of-a-successful-muslim-husband/

 

A successful Muslim husband isn’t:

1. A Muslim husband is not stingy when it comes to money and he spends freely on his wife and children. “The best charity is that which comes from one when he is wealthy and begins with those whom you are responsible to support.” (Bukhari).

A Successful Muslim Husband is:

2. A good Muslim husband helps his wife out around the house with the household chores.

Many husbands believe that housework is only for women and think that it’s beneath them to help their wives with the household chores. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, when a wife sees that her husband takes the responsibility to help her with the housework, she grows in admiration and respect for him and can’t help but want to do as much as she can to please him. This doesn’t mean that a husband should be expected to work all day long and then come home and cook and clean and do the laundry while his wife has been home all day doing nothing. However, there is nothing wrong with him giving a helping hand to his wife whenever it is needed or in him taking care of his own needs –such as mending his own clothes, especially and particularly, if his wife is busy with the children or with other tasks, or is sick, pregnant or just needs a break from the work in the house. “He (Muhammad) used to tend to the work of his family.” (Bukhari).

3. A Muslim husband accepts his wife’s inconsistencies and her faults and he doesn’t try to make her personality like his, because to do so would break her spirit.

Too often, men try to mold women’s personalities into their own image. This is a mistake that often leads to resentment and anger on the woman’s part. It is also dangerous because it erodes her self- esteem and destroys her individuality. Instead, he should be tolerant and respect her unique feminine nature. If there is an element of her personality that he dislikes, it is on him to change himself or his outlook but he should not try to change her personality. This, however, does not apply to religious issues such as hijab, salat, obedience to the husband or other issues that have been made incumbent on her by the Shariah.

“No male believer is to hate a female believer. If he hates a trait in her then let him be pleased with another trait.” (Muslim).

“Woman is like a rib: If you try to straighten it out you will break it.” (Al-Bukhari/Muslim).

“Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a rib. The part of it that is most bent is the top. If you try to straighten it you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain bent. So treat women kindly.” (Bukhari/Muslim).

4. A good Muslim husband doesn’t tell his bedroom secrets. “The most evil of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment will be a man who was intimate with his wife and then went and told others about her secrets.” (Muslim).

5. A good Muslim husband doesn’t neglect his appearance and he keeps himself physically fit.

It is not only an obligation on the Muslim woman to keep herself looking and smelling good for her husband, but it is also an obligation on the husband as well to set the example and keep himself looking good for his wife. In fact, I believe that in most cases it is the husband who sets the tone in the house in this area because if his wife sees that her husband is going to a lot of extra trouble to keep himself looking good, then more than likely she will also try to keep herself looking good for him. In this way both of them are complementing each other and this helps to keep their marriage fresh and alive. He should also exercise regularly and not allow himself to become over-weight and out of shape. At home, he should dress neatly, make sure that his hair is combed and that his general appearance is clean.

“Whoever has hair let him look after it properly.” (Abu Dawud – Allaahu ‘alam of the authenticity of this hadith)

“If it were not for the fact that I did not want to overburden my Ummah, I would have ordered them to use the siwak before every prayer.” (Bukhari/Muslim).

“O children of Adam! Wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place….” (Quran 7: 31-32).

 

Comments
  1. S a says:

    Salaam alkiam , we have been married 5 years now, in the two years time he came to uk, my husband was fine the 1st year, I have two kids, he said to that they like is kids, in the second year we started having fights all time, he used help me sometimes with work, it was difficult he could not find work where we lived, now he has found work else where, but contact to me.

    Like

  2. nAdim says:

    AssalamualYkum
    I want more kids….I have 2 already
    My wifw doesn’t ….even she dont like sex much

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Nadim..
      Thanks for sharing your experience with us

      Certainly, no one would denounce your wish to have more kids, as we had been advised by the Prophet PBUH, to breed more.. Yet, subject to proper up-bringing of our kids to be better Muslims, and increase the sheer of belief against the other of atheism.. Therefore; prior to any answer, you need to review your facts and potentials in providing your kids with shelter, education, healthcare and welfare to be better citizen, then.. and only then; they would be better Muslims..

      On parallel, your wife often decline sex; which means few probabilities.. These require careful answers from your side to make sure that your reaching the right solution.. Is she a working mum, who have stressful and tiring job..? Is she healthy, not hiding any sort of pain or discomfort from you..? Do you unintentionally ignore her and forget her female demands..? Are you both still exchanging and living the love which had tied your knot..?

      I can see you are 32 years old and probably affiliated to the Subcontinent.. These assumptions are important to take the issue forward, not suggesting solutions that might be inadequate at your home town..
      I shall be glad to share the solution with you, once got your feed back
      Be Blessed
      Adil

      Like

  3. adilsud says:

    الإمام احمد بن حنبل رحمه الله..
    من وصيته لابنه يوم زواجه .. :

    أي بُني:
    …إنّك لن تنال السعادة في بيتك إلا بعشر خصال تمنحها لزوجك فاحفظها عني واحرص عليها:

    أما الأولى والثانية:
    .فإنّ النّساء يحببن الدلال ويحببن التصريح بالحب، فلا تبخل على زوجتك بذلك،فإن بخلت جعلت بينك وبينها حجابًا من الجفوة ونقصًا في المودة.

    وأما الثالثة:
    فإن النساء يكرهنَ الرجل الشديد الحازم ويستخدمن الرجل الضعيف اللين فاجعل لكل صفة مكانها فإنه أدعى للحب وأجلب للطمأنينة.

    وأما الرابعة:
    فإنّ النساء يُحببن من الزوج ما يحب الزوج منهنّ من طيب الكلام وحسن المنظر ونظافة الثياب وطيب الرائحة فكن في كل أحوالك كذلك.

    أما الخامسة:
    فإنّ البيت مملكة الأنثى وفيه تشعر أنّها متربعة على عرشها وأنها سيدة فيه، فإيّاك أن تهدم هذه المملكة التي تعيشها، وإياك أن تحاول أن تزيحها عن عرشها هذا، فإنّك إن فعلت نازعتها ملكها، وليس لملكٍ أشدّ عداوةً ممن ينازعه ملكه وإن أظهر لُـہ غير ذلك.

    أما السادسة:
    فإنّ المرأة تحب أن تكسب زوجها ولا تخسر أهلها، فإيّاك أن تجعل نفسك مع أهلها في ميزان واحد، فإمّا أنت وإمّا أهلها، فهي وإن اختارتك على أهلها فإنّها ستبقى في كمدٍ تُنقل عَدْواه إلى حياتك اليومية.

    والسابعة:
    إنّ المرأة خُلِقت مِن ضِلعٍ أعوج وهذا سرّ الجمال فيها، وسرُّ الجذب إليها وليس هذا عيبًا فيها “فالحاجب زيّنه العِوَجُ”، فلا تحمل عليها إن هي أخطأت حملةً لا هوادة فيهاتحاول تقييم المعوج فتكسرها وكسرها طلاقها، ولا تتركها إن هي أخطأت حتى يزداد اعوجاجها وتتقوقع على نفسها فلا تلين لك بعد ذلك ولا تسمع إليك، ولكن كن دائما معها بين بين.

    أما الثامنة:
    فإنّ النّساء جُبلن على كُفر العشير وجُحدان المعروف، فإن أحسنت لإحداهنّ دهرًا ثم أسأت إليها مرة قالت: ما وجدت منك خيرًا قط، فلا يحملنّك هذا الخلق على أن تكرهها وتنفر منها، فإنّك إن كرهت منها هذا الخلق رضيت منها غيره.

    أما التاسعة:
    فإنّ المرأة تمر بحالات من الضعف الجسدي والتعب النفسي، حتى إنّ الله سبحانه وتعالى أسقط عنها مجموعةً من الفرائض التي افترضها في هذه الحالات فقد أسقط عنها الصلاة نهائيًا في هذه الحالات وأنسأ لها الصيام خلالهما حتى تعود صحتها ويعتدل مزاجها، فكن معها في هذه الأحوال ربانيا كماخفف الله سبحانه وتعالى عنها فرائضه أن تخفف عنها طلباتك وأوامرك.

    أما العاشرة:
    فاعلم أن المرأة أسيرة عندك،
    فارحم أسرها وتجاوز عن ضعفها تكن لك خير متاع وخير شريك ..

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  4. Rubab says:

    as salam-o-alikum!
    i have a question.my husband and i am born muslim.now when ever i m performing any islamic duty even like namaz he gets angry and when i complain that its our duty to do than he says he is not getting angry bcoz of this….he never offers his prayers.he stops me from fasting,from Hijab etc.he once does say divorce also….what should i do???when its matter of maritial offairs than he brings islam that you cant say no according to islam.i have 2 kids with major operation and i dont have more kids but he says women are made just for males pleasure,they dont have the right to say no for anything….please some1 help me.

    Like

    • adilsud says:

      Dear Rubab
      Salaam Allah..
      May heavens will be your pavement as a devoted Mother.. May Allah swt will praise you as a sincere Wife..

      Allah swt had created the Mankind for a wisdom which we do not know, and for a purpose which we also do not understand, yet He swt had instructed us to glorify Him swt, and address all endeavors and activities to acknowledge Him swt, follow His revealed guidelines and offer Him swt with prayers, dau’s and other rituals; to win His complacent swt.. Therefore; it is critical to keep in mind that whatsoever we do in life; should be only for Allah swt, not for any other person.. This is role #1

      (When we sincerely please Allah swt; He swt will rule both creatures and universe to please us..)

      In life, we are on a continuous exam, in order to prove our eligibility to win Allah’s love and blessings.. Therefore, we are in continuous struggle with Satan, who swear to Allah swt to distributed our faith.. Therefore; we have to keep in mind that whatsoever interruptions we confront; are part of our legacy; rather than a behavior disorder or unfortunate circumstances.. This is role #2

      (When we adhere to Allah’s guidelines, hardship will be different.. certainly, not favorite; but manageable..)

      The following five domains are destined: Birth, Death, Marriage, Kids and Rizq (provisions or sustenance).. No one can really rule each of these, despite any support by science, powers or wealth.. On parallel, they control ambitions, desires and behaviors of people across time and history.. Creating events of contradictions and confrontations; which not only distract us from role #1, but also extend role #2.. Therefore, most people waste most of their efforts and energy on irritating issues that serve nothing but the condemned Nafs (ego).. This is role #3

      (Disobeying Nafs, is the door step towards righteous belief..)

      Allah swt will never blame a person for something imposed by another.. He swt will never blame a person for an unhappy marriage, or tight earnings, or an ill-behaved family; but only for the poor response to such destined circumstances..
      Allah swt will ask:
      How is your belief in My Lordship?
      How is your convection of my fairness and justice?
      How is your Sabr (patience or endurance)?
      Why you have such paradox between Me and You..?
      Should we strife our existence to have the correct answers..!

      Dear Sister:
      Whenever you deal with your Husband (or anyone else), you actually offer to Allah swt.. Therefore; their roughness, temperedness, or forcible deeds are reductions of your own wrongdoings, and elevations of your faith..
      If you honor their humble, weak and destructible beings; despite their ego and illusions, you will find no point for your strong belief to fight their immortal destructions..
      If you respond to their nervous aggressions with an assured smile; you will win their hearts and minds..
      If you passionately realize their baseless (or God-less) arguments, your sympathy will silently make you stronger, mightier and victorious..
      Allah swt had promised to unconditionally support his sincere believers..
      This is the ultimate role..!

      This is the true migration and Jihad.. Migration to Allah swt.. and Jihad the Nafs..
      Certainly you will be a winner..!

      Be Blessed
      Adil

      Like

  5. adilsud says:

    60 Ways To Please Your Darling Wifey
    by TheAuthenticBase on December 22, 2011

    1 – Make her feel secure- don’t joke about divorcing her, this will put a hole in your marriage.

    2 – Always greet her whenever you arrive

    3 – Your wife is a fragile vessel so take care of her- In this vessel there is a lot of goodness so treat her in a gentle manner.

    4 – Advice her in privacy and the best timing. Don’t advice her in the presence of others, it can be a type of humility

    5 – Be generous with her

    6 – Move out of your way for her, when she’s coming to sit get up and let her sit on your seat tell her: ‘here honey sit I warmed up the seat for you’

    7 – Avoid anger.

    8 – Look good for her and smell great.

    9 – Don’t be rigid, you will broken- just because you are a man doesn’t mean you have to be harsh hearted

    10 – Be a good listener

    11 – Say yes for flattering and no for arguing.

    12 – Call your wife with the best names she likes to hear. i.e: the prophet (Saw) used to call Aisha- A’ish!

    13 – Surprise her secretly. Ex: Bring her a watermelon when it’s not the season of watermelons. Pick and choose in surprising her, be an artist in surprising her pleasantly.

    14 – Preserve the tongue.

    15 – Accept her shortcomings/ everyone has one.

    16 – Show your appreciation to her.

    17 – Encourage her to be in touch with her kin relations.

    18 – Speak topics of her interest.

    19 – Speak of her goodness in the presence of others

    20 – Shower her with gifts. The prophet (saw) said: give gifts and you’ll love each other’ MML It’s doesn’t matter how cheap or expensive the gift is, it’s the thought that counts!

    21 – Get rid of the same old routine once in a while, scrub the rust. Ex: Buy her ticket to a vacation cruise or something that she will enjoy.

    22 – Think good of her- husn althan-

    23 – Ignore some of the words/actions you don’t like

    24 – Add a drop of patience- It can go a long way- i.e: at her time of pregnancy, menses…etc

    25 – Expect and respect her jealousy.

    26 – Be humble

    27 – Don’t put a price on her happiness.

    28 – Help her around household chores just like the prophet (saw) did.

    29 – You can’t force her to love her in laws, but help her respect and love your parents.

    30 – Show her that she is an ideal wife; each and every wife is an ideal wife in many ways, so make her feel that.

    31 – Make dua’a for her and always remember her in your dua’as

    32 – Leave her past to Allah swt

    33 – Don’t show her that you are doing favors by doing your duties

    34 – Shaytaan/Satan is your enemy NOT your wife!

    35 – When eating, don’t only feed yourself, feed her TOO! – Not only does it go to the stomach but to the heart too.

    36 – Look at her as a precious pearl, treat her and take care of her like a precious pearl

    37 – Speaking of pearlsà show her YOUR pearlsà SMILE! Don’t put your smile out-of-service when you reach home! Don’t be rigid, smiling is Sadaqah

    38 – Don’t hold grudges. Deal with the littlest matters and don’t ignore them, it will build up and will create a wall between you and your wife.

    39 – Avoid being harsh hearted and moody.

    40 – Respect her thinking; her thinking strengthens you.

    41 – Help her discover/develop her skills and her success within

    42 – Respect the boundaries of the intimate relationship- it’s a fragile matter.

    43 – Help her with the children; it’s not only her job it’s yours too!

    44 – Complement her!-give her the gifts of the tongues-

    45 – Don’t be a stranger to her meals, know your wife’s meals, and eat her food.

    46 – Let her know when you are traveling don’t just disappear, and also let her know about your arrival.

    47 – When arguments arise, deal with it and don’t run away from it.

    48 – Don’t share your home secrets with your friends. Keep your privacy, and don’t make it a garage sale.

    49 – Encourage each other to worship/obey Allah swt – Go for umrah together, listen to a lecture/recitation.-

    50- Engrave her rights in your heart and in your conscious

    51 – Treat her with kindness through happiness and sorrow

    52 – Don’t jump on your wife like a ball!, in fact polish your love with many kisses- A kiss is a messenger- alqubulah rasool

    53 – When disputes happen between you and your wife, don’t go and share it with the whole world.-don’t leave your wounds open for the germs-

    54 – Show her that you care for her health.

    55 – Don’t think that you are right all the time!-No one Is perfect but the prophet (saw)-

    56 – Share you happiness and sorrow with her.

    57 – Have mercy on her.

    58 – Be the shoulder she can lean on!

    59 – Accept her as is, she’s a bent rib so don’t try to straighten it.

    *Side note: A dear friend once said: “a bent rib cannot be straightened, and in fact the beauty of it lies within its curve!”

    60 – Have good intentions for your wife – alniyaatu atayibaah.

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  6. adilsud says:

    Love Her…
    by TheAuthenticBase

    http://themarriagebase.wordpress.com/category/advice-for-husbands/

    Love her… when she sips on your coffee or tea. She only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you.

    Love her… when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you.

    Love her… when she has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too.

    Love her… when her cooking is bad. She tries.

    Love her… when she looks scary in the morning. She always fixes herself up again.

    Love her… when she makes you watch corny love dramas while the sport is on. She wants to share these moments with you.

    Love her… when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, so tell her she’s beautiful.

    Love her… when she looks beautiful. She’s yours so appreciate her.

    Love her… when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for you.

    Love her… when she buys you gifts you don’t like. Smile and tell her its what you’ve always wanted.

    Love her… when she cries for absolutely nothing. Don’t ask, tell her its going to be okay.

    Love her… when she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and just chat to her (trust me this works!).

    Love her… when whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass.

    Love her… when she stains your clothes. You needed a new shirt anyway.

    Love her… when she argues. She only wants to make things right.

    All these things form part of a Woman’s Character.

    Woman are part of your life and should be treated as the queen.

    Take time to make her feel Special in Every Way.

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